John’s “SeaMen”: Fertility from the Guy’s Perspective

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So where do I begin besides telling my side of what a perfect life I had been living for the past 25 years. At such a young age I had it all, a career, a loving family, a house, a dog, and well the most important part of my life, Meghan. She and I have been living what seemed to be the American dream since moving into our house in the beginning of the year. Everything in our lives was going accordingly as planned, we both recently went back to work after Meghan’s leg surgery earlier this year requiring recovery all summer, and me going back to work from what was a far to short of a lay off. I had finally decided to get rid of my old red Grand Am and splurged on a brand new Dodge Challenger. Life was just amazing and seemed to be predictable until I got a text from Meghan that literally said, “I have cancer”.

Our plans had suddenly took a turn down new roads, but I was prepared to stand by her side from the very second I opened that text. After learning that Meghan’s ovaries could stop working after all of her chemo treatments, we found our selves almost instantly being referred to a local fertility clinic. So yes, at the age of 25 I had my first appointment scheduled to turn over my sperm to a lab!

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Of course we were joking around all week and laughing about how I get to “jizz in a cup” on Thursday so needless to say, many thoughts were running through my mind. Just to put all things out on the table, since Meghan was diagnosed she had to be taken off of her birth control and when your doing fertility treatments you cannot have sex, so with this being said, I needed mental preparation. There were so many questions that were running through my head, “what does the room look like that I have to perform the deed?”  “Was Meghan allowed to help me out?” “Would there be porn in the rooms?”  I mean this is all pretty new to  me.

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After the nurse performed my bloodwork, she took  Meghan for an ultrasound and I was off to the “specimen collection room”.  I was led down a couple hallways and was guided to a little window that looked like the drive through window at McDonalds. A girl came to the window and was very informative with what to do. She read me instructions on how to fill out the paperwork, and I was instructed to knock on the window when I finished “the deed” so I could drop off my cup of sperm to them. She gave me a specimen cup and told me I would be in room 1, which was right behind me, within two feet of the window, and was next to a main hall way— talk about awkward.

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This would be that SENSORED part Meghan tells me to warn people when I get a little R rated so reader beware! I walked into the room that was filled with a reclining hospital chair, sink, and TV stand that had a stack of playboys just like the one your dad hides from you as a child. A clipboard filled with instructions ordered me to wash my hands before and after filling my specimen cup, place a white paper blanket under me where ever I was planning on filling my cup, and to place a sticker with my information on both the specimen cup and the white bag you place the cup in. A cold room and the ability to hear everyone walk by, made for a very uncomfortable setting. I refused to sit in the chair and touch any of the magazines because I can only imagine all the guys who are in there flipping through the pages of the playboys while touching themselves. So the big question that everyone wants me to answer is how did I do the deed! Instead of using the materials provided in the room, I turned to a sort of meditation. I concentrated on deep thought and in my mind replaying of a past experiences. With this deep thought I was able to get myself going and actually feel as I did that night. Butterflies, tingles, and just a sudden urge to be intimate with Meghan had me ready to fill my cup.

Standing over the paper blanket, cup in my hand, it was just about 15 minutes in that I deposited my first ever sperm. I then screwed the lid back onto the container, pulled my pants back up, washed my hands, and then placed my stickers on to both the cup and the bag that the cup was placed into. I walked out of the room and knocked on the window for the lab to take my paperwork and specimen bag, and the awkward feeling took over my body that this lady knew I just rubbed one off. It was kind of like the walk of shame after a one-night stand. But regardless it happens everyday there so there was no need to feel weird or ashamed.

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I was led back to Meghan who was waiting for me in a conference room, of course she  knew I just dropped my future kids off at the lab. Overall, it was an experience that’s funny to talk about, but also in reality it is so crazy because this is our future for having our own kids.  I never in my life thought at 25 years old I would be at a fertility clinic! No matter what is happening in our life, I know that its nothing we cant handle because God only gives us things that he knows we can handle. If Meghan and I cannot have children naturally, and our frozen children are not working either, I know in my heart there are no better parents for adopting a couple children and giving them the love they deserve than us.

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Until then, my sperm is a swimming and ready to mingle with Meghan’s eggs.
(yes those are actual pictures of my sperm swimming under the microscope that they let Meghan take)

-John

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