So I have made a promise to provide all the dirty dirty secrets of this journey I’ve been thrown, and that is exactly what I am going to do! It is currently 2:20 am and for everyone that knows me they’d say “hey sleeping beauty, why havent you been asleep since 9:30”! Right before bed I had a very not so fun anxiety attack. I laid on my back because right now I can’t lay on my left side due to my new port (its just uncomfortable) and my new med patch “nuelasta” and could literally feel my heart pumping out of my chest. With everything going on, I start thinking of every ailment I could possibly have… Bottom line I thought “im definitely dying now” hahaha— if you know me im joking, get it… Im not dying its funny😆

Anyways, I’ve been prescribed some Ativan tablets because this is a normal side effect to my high dose chemo. I actually just told the nurse this morning that i’m not an anxious person And I probably wont need the pills! Hahaha WRONG! Give me those pillllllllls😆. With my loving hubby at my side, of course he was able to walk me into meditation and visualization and with deep breathing I was out like a light in a couple minutes. (My mom has totally gotten to him, now not only is he a doctor but he’s psychic too!) 

  
After such an eventful day, it really is nice to relax though. Other side effects to note, I literally feel like a sponge! Actually like Spongebob when he gets washed to shore… Thats me! The one chemo drug I am on makes it very important for me to drink drink and drink so I dont get dehydrated. I’m currently on a strict “ins and outs” measurement system because all weekend my stomach was causing me stabbing pains, then Sunday  I had a near passing out event when my dad and my sisters and I were watching the Steeler game. John to the rescue again… He came flying down to swoop me up in the Challenger, no big deal! Sometimes these things are just really unpredictable.

* Another interesting fact I found out today… i have to take precautions when I pee now! Basically my chemo drugs are so strong they can make people sick I guess if your a messy pee-er and like miss the huge hole a toilet has to offer… So if you hear me double flushing, its not due to a ginormo poo💩 its because I care about you😍

  
So whats up with this stomach talk. First off… The above picture is aweful! Where is my cute little stomach… Where are you hiding it! My bubble butt must be found! Send out an amber alert!😆 In a nut shell, my ovaries are hyperstimulated and ginormo and now ai look pregnant but we all know thats not the case unless im Mother Mary which I may be… So stay tuned🙏🏻

  
Okay, because I am younger and have to go through intensive chemo there is a risk that with the medications I will be taking that when I am healthy again and ready to think about my babykins, my ovaries may not work to put things simply. This being said, is why both John and I had to go to a fertlitiy clinic and I was on so many fertility medications to mature my eggs and follicles in preparation for my egg retrieval (so yes women are much more complicated when it comes to that aspect vs. the more anxious based route of cumming in a cup in a guys case). 

Everything went well with my retrieval but two days following I had to receive another “Trigger” medication they call it, Lupron which throws my body into menopause in order to shut doen my ovaries in hopes they’ll wake up at true loves first kiss😘!

  
 So Obviously I know this chemo stuff isnt going to be easy, but holy shit why must I be a girl! My poor mother and older women surrounding my life! Hot flashes fucking suck! End of story. Ive had about 4 so far and once again, I just feel like Im dying! (I’m known for being dramatic sometimes…so here, ill walk you through this) 

1. They are sort of like Sour Patch Kids, highly unpredictable and sneak up during the most inopportune times like when your out shopping, or your in a meeting. They attack from the inside out and cause embarrassment! (Little brats😈)

2. Its literally like the devil 😡 is inside you and he may have temporarily turned you into a volcano with your innerds boiling from the inside out, and you could possible erupt at any second, or in my case I seem to just get lightheaded and black out😎

3. Okay, I normally sparkle not sweat✨ but DAMNNN this girl pours during a hot flash! So raunch! My shirts are usually drenched and the only thing that makes me feel comfy is a cool cloth on my neck.

  
In a nutshell… This whole being a girl, going through menospause thing blows😤 but… Pain is temporary, and I will take the cards I am dealt and make a card house then blow it down over and over again just for fun ☺️ aka. Im @Franzgirlstrong and I got this👊🏻
Off to try to get some beauty rest… ZzZZzzzzz😴
Xoxo Meg