My Body May Be Sick… But My Mind is Forever Healthy❤️

After my miserable night with anxiety and allergic reactions… It was so relieving to sleep in till 10am! I am so thankful and blessed that my mom was fired from her job because she came to my wedding (so everyone should STOP shopping at Lowes because they are heartless assholes… Just saying) But guess what, everything happens for a reason! It has been so amazing having her here with me.

My mom woke up early, took Izzy for a walk, and she came in to check on me around 10am because i’m typically such an early riser! In my defense, I was up itching and taking a bath during the night… Then I woke up around 6am to pack Johns lunch! Okay okay, I slept in:) but supposibly sleep is a good thing.

As soon as I forced my eyes open and reached up for a morning stretch, my body told me for the very first time… “Meghan, you’re sick”. After my first day of chemo on Tuesday, the nurses told me that by the third day I would start to feel a little sicker. The reason behind this is that during my “pre-chemo” medications, they pump my body with a lot of anti nausea and steroids. By day 3, normally the steroids start to wear off thus patients feel like crap and feel nauseous etc.

This morning, I literally felt like I was hit by a MACK truck. To even bend my fingers took sooooo much energy! I dragged myself out of bed to find that my entire body was aching. Sort of the feeling when you have the flu, and you just wanna curl back up under your warm blanket and watch Lifetime movies all day. From the very beginning of my diagnosis I made a promise… I will not allow myself to look sick! So up I had to go!

My mom made me some warm tea and steel cut oatmeal aka “buggies” (thats what I call it because it feels like i’m biting into little bugs and their heads are popping off in my mouth haha). I slowly began to wake up as my mom called my oncologists office to make them aware of my allergic reaction through the night. I am now to increase my Ativan from .5 mg to 1 mg tablets to be taken around 6:00pm so hopefully my anxiety will be less tonight. We shall see…

The oncologist wanted me to go to my PCP to have a rapid strep throat test done because my throat was sore once I woke up. My dad called me that he was at his PCP with a sore throat and my mom has been complaining of a scratchy  throat… So better to be safe than sorry! My amazing PCP (also the woman who practically diagnosed my breast cancer) got me right in for a check up!


I sat down at the table to put on my new makeup (compliments of my sister Samii Ryan for always making sure I’m gorgeous haha). I mean, considering I’m practically bald and look like a 12 year old boy… Its the very least I can do to put on some lashes and lip stick! This morning as my boyish reflection stared back at me was the first time I realized that my rather fluffy hair that I shaved a week ago is starting to look dull, burnt, and slowly but surely falling out. As of right now, its primarily a patch toward the right front of my head… Its just a little upsetting that this is happening so quick because I was told it would start the 2nd or 3rd session… ;( okay, changing the subject because I dont want to cry.

I got my wig on, got into some comfy but stylish clothes and out the door we were to the PCPs. It is so weird how these muscle aches literally kill every part of my body. The tiniest pot hole sends a surge of pain up my back and down my limbs… Hopefully this doesnt last too long. Some other symptoms i’ve started to notice is my taste buds are beginning to be much more dull. My mom has been cooking many of my favorite dishes and something as tasty as chicken chili is still good… But in my mouth it is all just so bland. My hands also feel like they have a constant powder on them. Ive been lathering in cocoa butter and drinking ALOT of flyids… So hopefully that helps!

It was so nice to see my PCP Dr. Dutta considering the last time I saw her was that Thursday she rushed me in to take a peek at my boob then ordered all the STAT testing to finally get me answers. She is just such an absolutely amazing, caring person! I am soooo thankful to have her as a part of my medical team! 

I had a strep culture taken… Were hoping its just residual of my allergic reaction over night! Thats the absolute last thing I need is to get sick when my immune system is already compromised. My mom and I finished our day with some more organic food shopping then I am to camp out of the couch and just rest! Fingers crossed my achiness goes away soon… Either way, im still smiling from the inside out and enjoying this beautiful (non snowy) November day! 
Xoxo Meg