“Baby, Crying Isn’t Going to do Anything… I love you”

BA8Y8543

I walked over to my drawers, reached to the far back bottom drawer to pull out the perfect little black lingerie. It was one of the pieces I bought for my Boudoir shoot (by the amazing Sasha Danielle Photography)  for my wedding gift to John and almost two months later I still haven’t had a chance to dress up with all that’s been going on.

Truth is, since October when I was initially diagnosed, life has been a true whirlwind.  Emotionally to physically, I just haven’t felt myself.  Now I’m not going to go all Samii Ryan on you (My sister is a sex blogger– follow her blog at Sex and the Valley) but I am going to talk a little bit about cancer and sex because it is so so important.

BA8Y8791

There are so many things that go into a romantic relationship. Some may say it starts with physical attraction, others may be attracted to a person’s personality first. I was lucky enough to find the love of my life before my life was flipped upside down.  My hubby was able to meet me as Meghan before cancer, before I was nauseous every day of my life, and before I was bald.  Back when I met him, I was the little blonde girl with a bubble butt who thought her shit didn’t stink.  I knew I was cute, and frankly I knew how to play the cute girl card.  (Wow I sound so vain, but this is all about the truth here…)

BA8Y8563

Making love is an important part of any romantic relationship.  The difference between married sex and dating sex is it is a forever thing.  It is very special to me to have sex.  Ive been through the times that you have sex like six times a day, truth is when your married and have cancer your lucky to have sex once a week— and thats no ones fault!  The key is to make time and yes, pencil it into the schedule.

So, Things that change with sex because of cancer:

  1. Feeling Sexy: I took things for granted before and now looking back, I cherish all the memories I once had.  I miss looking cute with a side pony tail, or finding the perfect swarvorski crystal bra and pantie set, doing a few sit ups to make my abs look cute and playing hard to get. One day my hair will grow back and i’ll be whipping my hair back and forth all night long 🙂
  2. Having Time: From doctors appointments to family visits… i’d love for anyone to tell me when the heck do I have time to drop my panties?! Unless we wanna a quick “wham bam thank you mam” with my mom or sisters in the other room… sexy time just isn’t happening.
  3. Getting in the Mood: From feeling nauseous to just being physically exhausted, how can I get all hot and bothered if my body is frankly tired… my pillow is so comfy once my head hits it.
  4. Feeling the same: Truth is, my sex drive has decreased… hey, maybe its God telling me to calm down you little hormonal teenager:) Atlas now he can handle me:) kidding kidding!
  5. To wear the wig or not to wear the wig: my advice is NO! What if it goes flying across the room like a flying squirrel!
  6. Coochie hair: is it there or not?… NOT! Finally something good out of the deal, haven’t had to shave since October! Im literally loving being a naked mole rat!

BA8Y9069

Sex frankly isn’t the same after cancer strikes. From having family or friends over to lend a helping hand the past 2 months, to me not feeling good, to my hubby being exhausted from picking up extra slack, sex just hasn’t been a priority.  When I put on cute lingerie like I would before I had cancer, now I look in the mirror and want to throw up.  I look disgusting, Im bald, skinny, have a port popping out of my chest… and who knows in a few months my tiny titty tata’s might even be nonexistent.  How in the world did this happen to me.  It is very very hard to get all hot and bothered when I don’t even feel sexy.  How can I dress up to get him turned on if I can’t even turn on myself.

One thing I am so thankful for is how wonderful John is.  No matter how much I cry or how upset I get over things, he’s always there to pick up the pieces and just deal with my emotional messes.  Oh I’m so lucky to have him!

logo.jpg

Well… until it gets better— go read Samii Ryan at www.sexandthevalley.com 

XO Meg

 

Advertisements

Stepping into Nontraditional Treatments

As many of you know from reading my blog or knowing me personally, Early on into my diagnosis, I decided to be treated traditionally with chemotherapy in conjunction with nontraditional approaches. Ive touched a little about my reiki, but up until this point I havent really explained much about what ive learned to accept and love as a part of my life.

Last weekend, my sister, cousin, and I were treated by my dad to massages and a session in a Himalyan salt cave. We were so totally excited about the experience but hardly knew just how amazing this day would be!

Needless to say, my family and I have had a pretty rough past couple of months… I was diagnosed, started fertilitity treatments, got married, started chemo, its crazy how my life has completely 360* outside of my “plan”. My dad so graciously decided it was time for us to relax, and that was just what we needed.

So he booked our massages at a place called “Peace, Love, Zen” in East Liberty PA! Walking into this place I knew it would change my life. After working all day at a fundraisig event, we were exhausted and opening the front door and walking in to the definition of tranquility was amazing.

You walk in to an earthy painted room with a water feature in the left corner, cozy couches and a wall lit with himalyan salt pieces for sale. The front desk is neat but modern. They had samples of lotioms and Kengan water samples… Talk about amazing! 

We were greeted by the most sweet receptionist and handed forms to fill out prior to our massages. It struck me in that moment that where normally i never had to check anything… My past medical history has become rather significant. Still to this day (even though its getting easier) when i first tell people “i have breast cancer” i get a little choked up. I guess its still sorta sorreal,  like how did this happen to me?!

Anyways… So the massage therapist came out and introduced herself as “J”. She led me back first and out started the questioning. She was so easy to talk to I hardly had room to feel uncomfortable or upset… I couldnt wait to get the massage a going;)

She told me to take off my clothes to where I felt comfortable, then slip onto the amethyst charged heated bed and cover myself with a sheet. I did as I was told, and she returned by a door knock a few minutes later.

The massage… Oh my god! Okay so I never had a professional massage before, i was always nervous it would be awkward or id feel weird… I was soooo missing out! One word to describe a massage is “heaven”. Not kidding! She began my deep tissue healing specifically focusing on my neck and upper back where i soooo needed some love and care.

30 minutes later and far too soon… Time was up and my massage was complete. It took a few minutes for me to self arise… I put my clothes back on and met my sister and cousin in the waiting room.

Next was the most magical of experiences! I am a horrible meditater. I dont know if its because I cant get out of my own head, or simply just love being surrounded by the sound of people. 

  
We were guided back to a Himalyan Salt Cave— just the name makes me want to say ahhhhh. So relaxing. You walk in, take your shoes off outside and submerged your feet into crystals. Talk about relaxing! Theres a ton of reverse gravity chair set up along the room so naturally we all cuddle up with eachother.

  
I bundled up in an extra blanket because if by chance I was able to fall asleep… My body temp would decrease– and im always cold anyways… So- 2 blankys it is!

We got a few extra minutes while waiting for another group of “cavers”, they were running late so chose a different time. They began the recording and shit the door… And i cant even explain the experience.

When you take a deep breath in, you can literally feel the oxygen coming out of you finger tips. It is such an amazing feeling. And… With noices of water and birds and wind— i found myself in a trance, then deep sleep.

When time was up I made up my mind that I would sleep there all night! Hahaha if only it was offered;) ha.

   
    
   
I even had a chance to bring my mom back a couple weeks later! So exciting I love spreading this magic✨

I absolutely recommend anyone in a similar situation to mine to reach out and try hollistic approaches! I am not saying dont do tradtional routes because I fully support medicine and Doctors medical training…

I do many of my hollistic treatments through:

  
Peace Love Zen in East Liberty PA (near pittsburgh)

— accupuncture review to be continued

Xoxo meg

When You are Allergic to Everything…

   
    
    
 I just wanted to post a quickie (just not too arousing sorry), filling everyone in on what just happened at chemo.

Today was my round 4/4 of the “bad stuff” aka the red devil as I heard it be called, adriamycin. The day started with a quick vital workup and review of my lab results from my blood that was taken yesterday. I was feeling good after meeting with my amazing bundle of joy, and such a educated person (shout out to Dr. jane Raymond and her team, with a special shoutout to Nurse Jackie) i truly dont think id be doing so well without all the compassionate workers in oncology at allegheny general health network!

Before seeing the doctor I ran back to the treatment room to “call” my seat… Okay it may have been a bit bratty of me, but I love my corner near the potty for good reason! (I literally pee 200 times during chemos). The nurses just laughed at me! I brought them homemade cookie though so a seat reservation is the least they can do😆

My nurse was Denise, and shes just so fabulous I cant put it into words. Myself and Nurse Denise have a history… She was at my very first chemo when my port malfunctioned! Just her luck shes caught with the problem child me!;)

I was accessed which is still a little tender but still 100 x better than an IV placement. I had pre-meds and it was time for RED (aka adramycin- chemo med). She began pushing and I felt exhausted. All morning ive noticed its been difficult to maintain my eyes open. Turns out I started talking and noticed my throat getting tight and words were slurred bc the swelling in my tongue.

She immediately stopped pushing my chemo med, she grabbed my vitals and did her best to keep me stable and confortable. Nurse Trudy whove ive also talked about before ran over to place and IV site in my room and then I was sent to to ER for a chest xray and EKG on my heart. 

After attivan, benedryl, and an additional steroid… I felt like a walking zombie however my tongue wasnt as big as a walrus! I was a tad nervous  for a second id end up in the circus or something… The things that cross my mind.

After much persuasion, I did get the doctors to allow me to Discharge home… And now im resting in my Jacuzzi tub! Thank you babes*

I want to especially thank my friend Amy because she came all the way up (like 4 hr drive) for yesterday and today— we made cookies, relaxed, and then she stayed by my side through my whole reaction, i am so so sorry but so incredibly grateful to have you in my life! Not to mention she gave me the honors of cutting her hair so she can donate it to someone like me! I am so so blessed to have you in my life!

And my husband John, what would I do without you… You can immediately by one squeeze of my hand make me relaxed, thank you for never leaving me and always being there no matter what! I love you to the moon and back a kazillion times✨

Well thats all I got for this one… Cheers to a better tomorrow* supposedly i will finish my chemo treatment in the morning… #sparkleon
Xoxo meg

Positivity is Key

The day I was diagnosed with breast cancer on October 12, 2015 at the age of 26… I of course cried due to fear of the unknown. Telling my friends and family had to be the worst part because I didnt want to scare them with this very unexpected diagnosis I just received.

Truth is like my little sister Jill aka Dr. Jill (yes a play off of Dr. Phil), always says… “Its not like the cancer just appeared on that day… Ive been living with it in my body for months, so why completely change my outlook on life now?” This is so so true. ..

I have always tried to be a positive person. I live my life to help others, whether it be my family, friends, or people with desperate signs standing on the road. This one time me and my friends Dustin and Ry Ry went out to the mall when we were in college and grabbed subway for lunch to eat back at our dorm. As Dustin was driving and I was in the passenger seat, we came to a red light. On the left side of the road stood a man with a sign not asking for money, but asking for food and prayers.

Me holding a bag of 3 footlongs without thinking, I jumped out of the car and handed the man hopefully a few meals to keep his energy and positivity going. The look on that mans face will forever be engrained in my mind. He was so shocked and simply said “God Bless You”, which to me was so powerful.

I jumped back in the car just in time for the light to turn green, with 2 pretty angry and hungry boys because I just handed over their grub. — Dont worry I went back out to feed the boys;) its just things like that are what Im called to do… I dont even think about it half of the time!

I attended Misericordia University in Dallas Pa, the most amazing college where I always described it as a “happy bubble”! It is founded by the four charisms of Mercy, Service, Justice, and Hospitality… And truly the students that attend without even thinking would practice those acts daily!

  
I had the opportunity to make lifelong friends (shout out to the MU swim team🏊🏻) who I would literally consider my family! When I found out the news of my cancer, one of my very good friends from MU, Kera Hope within minutes of my post to my friends took it upon herself to start a GoFund Me page which has literally helped me pay bills these past few months! Of not working! With 2 weeks notice, every single one of my MU friends aside from Cali Boy Dustin who has an excuse, was in Pittsburgh on halloween… Not for a costume party but to make my fairytale wedding come to life! Thank you all, you will never know how much I appreciated you being there!

   
    
    
   
To my new Pittsburgh friends, when I decided to move here, my biggest concern was that all my friends lived so far away. John has such an amazing group of friends and since day one theyve accepted me with open arms. 

Back to my hair dilemma… when I shaved my head, I was sooooo embarrased and scared to be around friends because I didnt want them to think of me as different or be weirded out. The first party together I wore my wig, the next I went bald and everyone was amazingly open and dint make it a big deal at all! So, thank you for giving me the strength and courage I needed to accept my baldness! Xo Everyday the girls text me, check on me, and ask me what they can do to help! I am so so blessed for all of you, and so is John!

   
 At Misericordia, I had the opportunity to become involved with campus ministry and took an alternative religious class where I was able to go to Guyana South America to work in hospitals, rehab centers, schools and orphanages! The boys of St. John Bosco orphange truly left a mArk on my life… And I will forever be connected to them whether im there or here! 

After my first international trip, I knew I had to return, and my friend Jeff and I did just that! I started an organization Gifts for Guyana and every year (aside from this one due to my circumstances) I was able to get their Christmas lists and make all their wishes come true with the help of my friends and family!

Even though I have cancer, my life is NOT over, actually it has just begun! Im married now! I have met the most amazing people along this journey! Jamie Holmes from Jamies Dream Team has opened her arms and loving heart and has allowed me to share in her passion of making sick childrens dreams come true! Sasha Danielle  Hall is not only the amaing photographer who donated time to my wedding, but also a truly magical friend, and Pul Saunders, where do I even begin! He has spend endless hours editing my wedding video, video of me shaving my head, and even a video to slow down johns sperm after our fertility appointment! He is so amazing!!! 👏🏻👏🏻I am truly so blessed to be continuing my journey of helping others right here in my own backyard!
  
  

   
   
 My point is this… Getting any diagnosis is sad, im angry sometimes, and of course fearful of the whatifs… But without my family, my mom for being here days after chemo, my dad for researching cures on google even though ive told him a kazillion times to not believe everything you read, my sisters for being my rock, shavin their heads, and doing whatever they have to do to keep a smile on my face, my in laws for bringing us dinner, taking Izzy and hlping whenever they can, my brother in law for shaving his head and always providing me comic relief, my cousin for driving endless hours to plan my wedding and help me when I need help, and my friends and family… Its the simple things like the cards, donations, gifts, and texts that truly keep me going so thank you from the bottom of my heart!

So where do I get my positivity from? I get it from all of you! Everyday that I drag myself out of bed, its for all the amazing people in my life. There has been 1 day throughout this journey that I ever asked John if he thought I would die because of this illness and he 1. Looked at me like I was nuts, and 2. Said “um absolutely Not” and i believe him! By reading blogs that are sad or full of those scary thoughts… Thats what kills my vibe so I refuse. Ive realized that my job through this is to spread my story as well as comic relief… Because if you cant smile through this journey youll never make it!

I want to end with a quote that I hold near and dear to my heart…

  
#sparkleon ✨💕✨

Xoxo Meg

The Real Truth About Chemo Side Effects

Chemo is an effective traditional method for many types of cancers most specifically to me, Breast Cancer. Like many treatments, the “poison” that chemo is made of has MANY different side effects that obviously differ per person. NO TWO PEOPLE have the same story, nor do they react the same to these evil medications.  Many side effects depend on the specific type of cancer, drugs and dosage used during a specific treatment, age, and overall health of an individual prior to the diagnosis.

The job of chemotherapy is to have an affect on active cells. What does that mean? Active cells are cells that are growing and dividing into more of the same type of cell— I’m ready to take you back to your 9th grade biology class. When I was first diagnosed one of the initial things the doctors began to explore is where my cancer came from.  Was it genetic i.e.: a gene mutation, was it environmental, or just plain old bad luck– which wouldnt be that unexpected for me! Lets just say… I havent won the lottery just yet!;)

Cancer cells, or how I look at them anyways is picturing them as little mutants in my body,are technically active cells, but healthy cells are also active. (OKAY Meghan i’m confused). Well, to keep things simple… our bodies are filled with all sorts of different cells. There are cells in your blood, mouth, digestive system, and hair follicles just to name a few. So… when people go through chemo, there really isn’t a way for the drugs to only affect the mutant cancer cells, it turns our healthy cells also get damaged along the way…

“Meghan what kind of side effects are you experiencing?”

Here is my tell all post, the ewwy gooey and all that is in between.  The below list of symptoms are the most common and typically what my chemo nurses ask me about every time I go for a treatment session.

Fatigue: Anyone that knows me would probably describe me as something like the energizer bunny.  Normally I work as an Occupational Therapist in a hospital. Some days I do home health after work to  make a few extra bucks, then I go home cook and clean and then find some other project to take up my night.  Weekends I wake up around 7:00 am and am literally on the go from the time I wake up till I got to sleep.  I NEVER thought chemo would make me feel tired. I was wrong again… (HOW RUDE!).  I can truthfully tell you that I now know the real definition of exhaustion.  Not that I feel it every single day, but the first day or two, or three after a treatment my body im tired from the inside out.  I actually CRAVE sleep! When I get out of bed it feels like im crawling through quick sand. Even things like washing dishes or vaccuming i have to sit down and take a break because I get so tired… Its so weird.

Pain. Each and every time I go for a treatment the nurse asks me if I have any numbness or tingling in my hands or feet. What she is actually looking for is signs of nerve damage from the chemo!  KNOCK ON WOOD, thus far I have not have any specific nerve damage type symptoms, however after the NEULASTA (my white blood cell booster), the next day my body literally feels like it is covered in bruises. It has only lasted 1 day both sessions, but it is awful and literally puts me in an awful/ emotional mood. I feel like Oscar the Grouch mood wise and the Tin Man when I go to move my joints because they get so stiff! Again, chemo really does suck!

 Mouth and throat sores. “Do you have any ulcers in your mouth?” Okay, prior to chemo I literally thought the only mouth ulcers were herpes… WRONG AGAIN!  My first chemo session I was clear of sores… however dreaded session 2 I met another enemy.  The following day, not only was my throat sore but my tongue was on fire!  When I looked in the mirror, I noticed my taste buds to be sort of swollen.  Of course I call my doctor because I tried to eat and any food just felt like a million razor blades in my mouth.  Turns out, yup you guessed it!  I have mouth ulcers.  They prescribed me a rinse called “Magic Swizzle”– no joke, thats the name on the bottle. VOM! I could hardly let it touch my tongue before gagging it into the sink.  Hey, noone said chemo was pretty…  Drinking water really helped me through my mouth pain, I also used some ora gel to provide some numbing relief. (Literally I’m like a little baby again)

Diarrhea. Like i’ve said before… “girls do not poop!” However this is a very important question for doctors to ask. Some chemotherapy drugs cause loose or watery stool or the reverse very hard compacted poo. It is very important to make a head turn after a potty trip because when diarrhea is not treated, there is a high risk for dehydration– which in my case is very important because adriamycin can have very harsh effects on my kidneys.  Lucky for me, my poo is pleasantly perfect and smelling like roses at this time :o)

Nausea and vomiting. Chemo session one I woke up with nausea one day maybe the 3rd day post treatment.  Chemo session two, my days were filled with nausea.  Thankfully, I am yet to vomit KNOCK ON WOOD AGAIN… but the feeling of nausea is the worst!  I do have Zoran which is a prescription anti nausea medication however it didn’t seem to work for me this time around.  Needless to say, my face and the toilet bowl have become best friends throughout this journey!

Changes in thinking and memory: AKA: Chemo brain. How crazy is this one.  So, when I first began treatment and met Mr. Bob, my reiki master– he told my mom and I to not be discouraged if I start getting confused or have trouble remembering things because it is a very common side effect.  Me, being an occupational therapist, 26 years old and having a master degree never ever thought this would happen to me.  So, over Thanksgiving I was doing some holiday baking.  I was simply doubling a recipe okay.  Let me remind you, I went to a private college and took calculus for heaven sake!  I also perform cognitive testing on patients on the daily working as an OT.  Anyways, so I’m mixing all my ingredients together and something just wasn’t right.  I began hysterical crying to John because literally I could not figure out the recipe. So crazy!  I had to take a deep breath and ask for help… which is very hard for me to do but I guess it is all a part of this process. Dont worry I didnt kill anyone with my cookies!

Sexual and reproductive issues. Chemotherapy can affect your fertility. I’ve told you all in prior post my experience of my egg retrieval etc.  I also recently had an IUD placed (brand: Paragaurd) which is copper based as an alternative to hormone birth controls because my tumor is estrogen +.  will do a post all about that experience later… Stay tuned! As for sexual drive… I mean, im busy and just dont feel pretty or sexy naked so I guess that plays a part… But if I want some sexy time Im sure John can penicil me into his schedule;)

Appetite loss. ABSOLUTELY, this may be one of my biggest side effects.  It might sound weird to someone reading this but I can literally go until 4:00 pm or later if i’m busy doing stuff around the house and never even think about eating!  I mean, before treatment I wasn’t the biggest of eaters… okay I’m actually really picky and would rather eat junk; ice cream, chocolate… you know, the good stuff!  Now a days…. I hardly even have cravings for that stuff! No wonder people use medical marijuana!  (No I DO NOT use marijuana, never have, never will!)

Hair loss. Sadly… must we actually bring this one up again.  Just look at my pics…

BEFORE

  
AFTER– cheers to my little sis for supporting me and cutting of her hair while I go through this bump in the road! Love you Beaner!

  
These are the big ones that my nurses ask me about when I have treatments.  All in all when people say “Chemo Sucks” or “Cancer Sucks”, the truth is that it really really does! However, what doesn’t kill ya makes ya stronger… and side effects aside, that is exactly what I am becoming… STRONGER THAN YESTERDAY— another Britney reference 😉

XOXO Meg

 

Chemo Two, Poop on You💩


  
Hello all! So I must apologize. I haven’t posted in a while for a few reasons. 1. Chemo session 2 kicked my booty toot. 2. Ive been only focusing on my hair and crying and depressed because i have horrible patchiness, uneven baldness and feel literally disgusting everytime I look in a mirror, 3. Im making my family do my dirty work aka having best little sis Jill Franz write a phenomenal blog post on why I have to stop complaining about my hair but I cant! Grrrr… Seiously though what is up with the below pictured line across my forehead! Like if it isnt already bad enough im bald… Now I have a line across my head!


Okay, anyways…so lets kick it back a little to Tuesday November 24th, that was chemo session two. I met with my doctor, she said I was looking good, I was feeling great with a smile on my face and slightly excited for another session because thats one step closer to the finish line right;)! Jill drove up to spend the week with John and I as we prepare to host our first Thanksgiving for our families… All well good in the hood… oh was I so mistaken.

So my oncologist met with us and after saying how great I looked, she mentioned that my hair actually looked like it was growing! There was a pinch of hope in me as I said to myself, “Im gonna be the girl that chemo has reverse effects and I actually turn into Rapunzel instead of Rufus the Naked Mole Rat (Kim Possible… Get it 90s kids). She then followed up by saying “Were gonna change that today” NOOooOooOooOooo (in my brain this was in the voice of the Grinch on top of Mt Crumpit).

I changed the subject to discuss my reservations about taking the Neulasta medication again (Neulasta is my white blood cell booster that I had an itchy and irritating allergic reaction to in chemo session one). My doctor and nurse immediately got on the phone with the pharmacist to problem solve… Turns out if you take Pepcid (yup the tummy stuff) and Benedryl together they “supposibly” act as an antihistimine and counteract inflammation therefore assisting with the allergic reaction… Not for Meeee!


So after my appointment with the doctor, off to chemo I go! At first we walked into treatment room one (again!) and… dun dun dun, my wall seat was swipped by the sweetest little old woman! How rude! Didnt she know I was coming;) turns out she was in the wrong treatment room, so guess what! I got my favorite seat, YIPPEEeeeeee! It worked out great actually! It was me, my comfy seat, my hubby, and my sister as one big happy family in the corner near the bathroom! (Score!)

My fabulous nurse Trudy from my last session was there again and I was so thankful to see her! She immediately came over and started asking me all the “questions” they ask every session in their nursing interview. Basically its things like… “Do you have any sensation changes in your feet or hands?”, “How is your appetite?”, “What does your poop look like?”… (Okay the last one isnt as vulagr but they wanna know about constipation and diarrhea which is totally what I want to discuss in front of my new hubby… Doesnt she know girls Do Not poop!💩


My chemo session began, and my urge to pee every 5 minutes also started! Johns friend Rafat came to visit us and keep us company which was so nice, pays to have amazing friends that work in the hospital setting! Then, around the corner peeps the man in the red vest… Yes you guessed it! Mr. Bob my reiki master!!!! Bring me some reiki;)


He began talking then performing a little bit of reiki on me! I love when he is there because not only is he great company, but the reiki always seems to warm me up!

All in all session 2 flew by without a breeze. I did experience one weird symptom when they were running my 2nd drug, I like could taste it in the back of my throat and my nose was like dry and saltish! So weird, the nurse said they ran one of the drugs too fast— ✅ that for next time.

I was feeling great until the dreaded 24 hrs later, Neulasta the evil chemo devil went off. With my sister supervising for the hour it emersed throughout my body, I fell asleep on the couch and a few hours later woke up with my skin burning and it feeling like fire ants were under my skin preparing for winter just like in A Bugs Life! Talk about horrendous!



I immediately yelled for John (because he keeps me calm) and rushed into the bathroom, stripped my clothes and jumped into the tub. I layed for a while then went to bed. I just new all the achiness and hypersensitivity of my skin would happen again. You guessed it! Thanksgiving day and my skin ached, so bad that when my dad arrived and gave me a hug I screamed because of the pain. Its almost as if my entire body is covered in bruises!


  
  

You may be wondering why my sister has hair in the chemo pictures but a shaved head two days later at Thanksgiving dinner. Turns out she’s a girl to he word, and since she was here a couple days after Chemo 2 and saw how upset I was that my hair was falling out so badly— that night she decided to “GO BRITTANY!”

She wanted me to cut the first ponytail and I was literally crying because 1. It was so touching that she would do this to me, and 2. I never would want her to feel the way I do about myself when I look in the mirror and don’t see my long hair.  Turned out Jill, John, and BFF Greg all shaved their heads that night!  The following day  my brother in law (davekoziel.com) live streamed him shaving his hair off!

I am so so thankful to have such amazing friends and family!  With their support and a tribe of baldies by my side, I hardly felt awkward being at Thanksgiving dinner with 20 people without a wig on!  Thank you guys… truly you do not even understand how much your bald head means to me! XOXO

IMG_4364-2.JPG

Soo crazy me also decided to host Thanksgiving this year! Thankfully I have an amazing family who when they heard I wasnt feeling so well everyone decided to pitch in to make a dinner for 20 guests possible! Even though I sort of planted myself under my blanket on the recliner for majority of the day… It was amazing to have many of my family all in our house for our first married holiday! I am so so blessed! Bring on chemo session 3 and Christmas!!! I cannot wait!

Xoxo Meg