I walked over to my drawers, reached to the far back bottom drawer to pull out the perfect little black lingerie. It was one of the pieces I bought for my Boudoir shoot (by the amazing Sasha Danielle Photography)  for my wedding gift to John and almost two months later I still haven’t had a chance to dress up with all that’s been going on.

Truth is, since October when I was initially diagnosed, life has been a true whirlwind.  Emotionally to physically, I just haven’t felt myself.  Now I’m not going to go all Samii Ryan on you (My sister is a sex blogger– follow her blog at Sex and the Valley) but I am going to talk a little bit about cancer and sex because it is so so important.

There are so many things that go into a romantic relationship. Some may say it starts with physical attraction, others may be attracted to a person’s personality first. I was lucky enough to find the love of my life before my life was flipped upside down.  My hubby was able to meet me as Meghan before cancer, before I was nauseous every day of my life, and before I was bald.  Back when I met him, I was the little blonde girl with a bubble butt who thought her shit didn’t stink.  I knew I was cute, and frankly I knew how to play the cute girl card.  (Wow I sound so vain, but this is all about the truth here…)

Making love is an important part of any romantic relationship.  The difference between married sex and dating sex is it is a forever thing.  It is very special to me to have sex.  Ive been through the times that you have sex like six times a day, truth is when your married and have cancer your lucky to have sex once a week— and thats no ones fault!  The key is to make time and yes, pencil it into the schedule.

So, Things that change with sex because of cancer:

1. Feeling Sexy: I took things for granted before and now looking back, I cherish all the memories I once had.  I miss looking cute with a side pony tail, or finding the perfect swarvorski crystal bra and pantie set, doing a few sit ups to make my abs look cute and playing hard to get. One day my hair will grow back and i’ll be whipping my hair back and forth all night long 🙂
2. Having Time: From doctors appointments to family visits… i’d love for anyone to tell me when the heck do I have time to drop my panties?! Unless we wanna a quick “wham bam thank you mam” with my mom or sisters in the other room… sexy time just isn’t happening.
3. Getting in the Mood: From feeling nauseous to just being physically exhausted, how can I get all hot and bothered if my body is frankly tired… my pillow is so comfy once my head hits it.
4. Feeling the same: Truth is, my sex drive has decreased… hey, maybe its God telling me to calm down you little hormonal teenager:) Atlas now he can handle me:) kidding kidding!
5. To wear the wig or not to wear the wig: my advice is NO! What if it goes flying across the room like a flying squirrel!
6. Coochie hair: is it there or not?… NOT! Finally something good out of the deal, haven’t had to shave since October! Im literally loving being a naked mole rat!

Sex frankly isn’t the same after cancer strikes. From having family or friends over to lend a helping hand the past 2 months, to me not feeling good, to my hubby being exhausted from picking up extra slack, sex just hasn’t been a priority.  When I put on cute lingerie like I would before I had cancer, now I look in the mirror and want to throw up.  I look disgusting, Im bald, skinny, have a port popping out of my chest… and who knows in a few months my tiny titty tata’s might even be nonexistent.  How in the world did this happen to me.  It is very very hard to get all hot and bothered when I don’t even feel sexy.  How can I dress up to get him turned on if I can’t even turn on myself.

One thing I am so thankful for is how wonderful John is.  No matter how much I cry or how upset I get over things, he’s always there to pick up the pieces and just deal with my emotional messes.  Oh I’m so lucky to have him!

Well… until it gets better— go read Samii Ryan at www.sexandthevalley.com 

XO Meg