Breast cancer

Boobie Blues:(

meghankoziel7 Comments


Im totally supposed to be sleeping but I have a headache and my mind is going a million miles a minute! I received a comment on one of my instagram posts that has been really getting to me. Surprisingly, it was nothing really negative, but has made me extremely self conscious about my breast reconstruction. Since my reconstruction in December ive tried really hard to listen to my surgeons advice, wait the six months for my skin to heal and implant to settle, but now im just getting impatient, and for good reason id have to say!

The comment read, “Do you have different implants in both? Or just one side?” In essence this is a pretty valid question I guess because my chest does look crooked. But come on, why would I get two different sized implants? Anybody that educates them self on breast cancer, reconstruction, and radiation knows that your skin changes. You do not get that “glamorous boob job” you’ve ever dreamed of. It was sort of like a slap to the face. 

I try sooooo hard to love my body, embrace my scars, show my chest to empower other girls like me, and yet Im upset because deep down I miss my old boobs:( I miss my tiny tatas with my cute little nipples that didnt need to be glued on. I am sick and tired on the pain and discomfort around my bra line, and I crave dressing up in my glitzy Victoria Secret bras:(

I am literally to the point that I want to call my surgeon and beg him to take these implants out and redo them! But then again, what if my skin continues to remain tight and it is all for nothing? What if I roll the dice one too many times and get an infection and lose my boobs all together!! I wish someone would have educated me on the difference of profiles and implants before I simply went with my surgeons recommendation.  My gummie Naturelle teardrop shaped implants are just not what I imagined:( they are hard and Its impossible for me to have cleavage. I just want to feel normal and sexy again:(

Ugh… late night brain wandering is the absolute worst. Oh well, this lopsided princess must get some beauty rest…

What type of implants would you recommend? Im thinking of round, high profile exchange…

Xoxo Meg

7 thoughts on “Boobie Blues:(”

  2. I am so sorry you are having to go through all this, but please give yourself time to heal! My 26 year old just completed this same journey and is now advocating for the ACA. The ACA saved her life because she was allowed to stay on our insurance and now we fear pre-existing conditions could haunt her for the rest of her life. I am sure it has been difficult allowing “us” into your life on such a personal level, but please realize you helped me help my daughter on many occasions!! Thank you, sending healing prayers!!

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    • Oh my goodness, thank u sooo much for writing to me! I completely understand insurance drama:( ugh… it all gives me a headache! Thank u soooo much for reading and following my journey! If u ever have ?s or ur daughter would like to chat! Feel free to email me: meghan.koziel@yahoo.com

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  3. Hello, I just finished reading this blog and I would like to give you some encouragement, being a cancer survivor with reconstruction and an excellent and beautiful outcome I feel like maybe you should hear my perspective. I had the best surgeon for both my bilateral mastectomy and my reconstruction. In fact when I go to my Doctor’s whether it be my routine OBGYN or for routine scan I am often compliment on the outstanding job performed by my surgeon and am often asked who did my surgery. I went with Saline Naturelle and I am so happy I did. I had 6 rounds of chemo, I did not have radiation as there was no lymphnode invovlement. I had by bilateral mastectomy and tissue expander’s placed during this surgery. I had multiple expansions and then my implants were placed approximately 6 months later. If you are interested in a second opinion I would highly recommend my plastic surgeon. She is know for being the best and is here in Pittsburgh. As we are friends on FB feel free to message me. Hope this helps, from one survivor to another 🙂

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    • Hey id love a recommendation. My surgeon as well is “a best”… i had 30 rounds of radiation thats my problem my skin is damaged so there isnt much anyone csn do but wait and see how my tissue heals:( thanks for messaging me:)

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  4. Hey Meg- I recently started following you when I was prepping for my Dec 2 exchange. I’m having some of the same thoughts about the teardrop gummies I got. My radiated side is shaped a little differently and sits higher, but I’m hoping that with more time it settles a bit. The shape isnt really what I thought it would be, but I don’t want to be too picky. My PS encouraged a lot of stretching and moving the implant up/down/side, not that they really go anywhere 🙄. The pain you feel- that happens along my bra line, right where the implant hits my ribs and along my side almost exclusively on the radiated breast. It feels like a really bad bruise when touched and when I move. You may be doing it already, but my PT has me using MFR techniques and that has helped SO MUCH when it flares up. I hope you start to see and feel some improvement that you’re happy with. Thanks for putting all this out there. Being able to check in with someone else going through the same craziness is always so helpful!

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