My Surgery Trilogy Part Two: Surgery Options, Now It’s MY CHOICE!

December 15, 2016- 1st Reconstruction/ December 18, 2017- 2nd Reconstruction

December 18, 2017– One year and 3 days following my first breast reconstruction I headed back under the knife.  As discussed in my previous post (Trilogy Part One), this decision was a combination of Capsular Contracture (residual of 30 rounds of radiation and falling down the stairs days after my first reconstruction, my own discomfort from tightness of my right breast, asymmetry due to the tightness from scar tissue build up, and firmness of the implant all together.  I also began presenting with unexplained symptomology presenting as itching under the implant and around the center of my breasts.  After numerous clear ultrasounds, an MRI, and my circulating tumor cell test (to be explained in a later post), my plastic surgeon presented to me a research study and updated warning from the FDA linking textured implants (which I had) to anaplastic large cell lymphoma (ALCL), a rare type of non- Hodgkin’s lymphoma.  Being that I already had breast cancer that was found in my lymph nodes, this and my symptoms made me a candidate for an implant exchange and re-reconstruction. (I have NOT been diagnosed with ALCL**)


**SIDE NOTE: I do want to stress from my last post because I have gotten a lot of messages regarding this warning… Currently it is not recommended by the FDA for a surgeon to exchange textured implants just because of this warning and it also does not mean that all implants CAUSE cancer!  As stated by the Mayo Clinic, “The FDA believes that women with breast implants that have textured surfaces have an extremely low but increased risk of developing breast implant-associated anaplastic large cell lymphoma (BIA-ALCL). However, that doesn’t mean that these implants cause BIA-ALCL.”  With the ongoing research that is being completed daily, the FDA is simply recommending at this time that patients with textured implants be monitored regularly and aware of signs and symptoms leading to a ALCL diagnosis *after the surgical incision has been fully healed*.  BIA-ALCL is diagnosed by using a CD30 immunohistochemistry, please ask your doctors more regarding this assessment if this pertains to you!

BIA-ALCL Symptoms include: new breast swelling, lumps, pain or changes in breast shape.  **Often times this type of cancer is found in the scar tissue, not necessarily the breast itself!

Case studies of people who have been found to have this link between this BIA-ALCL and implants are a very small population, however this does NOT give any medical professional the right to NOT disclose this information! As per the Mayo Clinic: “Researchers haven’t yet determined whether the type of implant — saline or silicone — affects the risk of developing BIA-ALCL.”  Statistics aside, it is 100% something that anyone with breast implants should be aware of and consider when discussing reconstructive options with their physician.  I am thankful to report that since this warning has been updated, my hospital has banned the use of textured implants all together! THIS IS WHY WE NEED ONGOING RESEARCH PEOPLE!!!!

Back to my story, so you are probably at this point wondering well what the heck is this girl going back in for different implants!  Well good question, and my answer is simple.  I feel more comfortable in my body with boobs!  Call me vain, call me insecure, the truth of the matter is I am the one that has to wake up every day of my life, look into that mirror and be reminded “I had cancer”.  “My tits were cut off, my nipples incinerated, and my body was filled with poison to keep me alive” and for that I am eternally grateful! However this is my day after day reality.

April 2016-Post mastectomy 100cc expanders

I actually have vivid memories looking into the mirror for the first time following my mastectomy, I was bald, I  was fragile, and I was flat chested and I just cried.  To me, and this is my opinion of my own body, my boobs made me feel feminine and beautiful.  I loved having boobs!  Those little balls of fat which laid amongst my chest were mine! I was 26 years old and I wanted cleavage and to look like the models strutting their stuff down the runway at the Victoria Secret fashion show.  To me, if I didn’t have boobs how would I wear my 50+ bras that I own after spending thousands (literally) of dollars at VS, or fit in my perfect little black dress with a scoop neck, or heck how would I flaunt what I got on the beach in a bikini!  These are the thoughts of a 20 something year old with cancer, and these are very REAL very TRAGIC thoughts that many young women experience everyday!  You have to love yourself in life in order to be truly happy, and I knew deep in my heart that I would never accept my physical appearance without boobs, therefore I opted on breast reconstruction!


The truth of the matter is, you think of plastic surgery as the solution or quick and easy fix for any physical challenges a person may face.  What I have learned is that this is sooooo far from the truth and that just goes to show how naive our Barbie Girl culture really is.  The most important thing to remember is that Breast Reconstruction following a mastectomy is completely different than a BOOB JOB!  Cancer breast reconstruction will most likely require multiple surgeries, extended recoveries, and potential complications… and thats just part of the journey that we have to accept! AND IT SUCKS!  As everything in life they says its a process, a long painstaking windy road where nothing EVER seems to go as planned however, it forces you to love the small successes and that is exactly what my most recent surgery has taught me!


With the knowledge of ALCL now, I was able to make a more educated decision of my 2nd reconstructive process.  I have read up on the condition, did my own research, and I ASKED QUESTIONS to my doctor, which the first time around I have to admit… I didn’t do too much of.

There are kazillions of breast reconstructive options available to people following breast cancer.  What I’ve found is every surgeon does things differently and that doesn’t necessarily mean that one way is right or one way is wrong.  However, it is SO SO SO important to shop around and become aware on the options.  With that knowledge you will be able to make the choice that is right for you!



April 2016: Double Mastectomy

Tata to the Tatas: My Double Mastectomy (For previous blog post in real time)

Letter to the Girl Faced with a Mastectomy

My reconstructive journey began immediately in April 2016 when I underwent my double mastectomy.  Following the removal of all my breast tissue (on both sides) and multiple lymph nodes were dissected (on the right), my surgical oncologist switched out with my plastic surgeon and he placed expanders filled to 100cc and supported with alloderm to withstand 30 rounds of pre-planned radiation.

May 2016: Expander Fills

Pump Pump Pump it Up: Expander Fills


I underwent 4 saline fills of about 75cc per fill prior to starting radiation to stretch my muscle and skin in preparation for implant placement.  I finished my fills at 360cc expander size which to me was a little bigger than my old boobs of size 34B.

December 2016: First Breast Reconstruction

Breast Reconstruction: “My Free Boob Job”-First Insight to Surgical

Breast Reconstruction: My Foobies Revealed Round 1

On the day of my surgery, my plastic surgeon had 3 different sized implants and pretty much tried them out and chose which looks best for my body.  I was pretty adamant for him to place the largest implant possible, and I came out with 470CC Natrelle 410 Highly Cohesive teardrop gummy bear implants. They are known as gummy bears, because if sliced open, there is a very thick viscous silicone that is similar to that of a gummy bear candy and won’t leak like traditional silicone or saline if by chance they were to rupture.

A quote from my initial reconstructive blog post, ” I have days that I look at my chest and I feel really self conscious and upset, but then I have days where I put on a shirt and see a little cleavage and I get really excited.  Basically, my foobies are not real boobs, and I guess thats why I don’t really feel uncomfortable sharing my photos and advocating for mastectomy survivors everywhere.  My scars tell my story, and I am so blessed for all my doctors for taking such amazing care of me!”

Despite my instant dissatisfaction with my new set of foobies, my doctor continued to reassure me to wait 6 months for them to settle and another 6 months for any sort of revisions to let the skin heal and tissue settle.

March-December 2017: Mystery Symptoms


I began presenting with increased tightness and itching under my implant.  I had multiple scans, physical examinations, and blood tests all of which were inconclusive.  I was diagnosed with capsular contracture as a complication from my 30 rounds of radiation and presented with the updated warning regarding textured implants and ALCL link.  I became a candidate for implant exchange with fun reconstruction of my right (radiated) side to release my contracture.

December 2017- 2nd Reconstruction with Fat grafting

That brings us to where we are today.  Currently I have 2.5 weeks post op and healing right on schedule (minus some nerve damage under my armpit and under parts of my upper arm which will require physical therapy).  I completely switched out my old textured implants for Natrelle Inspira Smooth Round silicone implants filled to 495CC with a higher fuller profile.  After TONS and I mean TONS of research and really finding pics of foobs that I could picture on my own body, I decided the round vs. teardrop shape was much perkier and more of the look I was going for.

How I came about my decision for this 2nd Reconstruction

Funny quick story about advocating for yourself.  When I went in for my pre-op appointment, my surgeon gave me two standard surgical choices.  1. simply switching out the textured implants for smooth and reconstructing my right contracture. 2. Latissimus dorsi flap reconstruction surgery, which involves an incision made into your back near your shoulder blade, then, an oval section of skin, fat, blood vessels, and muscle is slid through a tunnel under the skin under your arm to your chest and formed into a breast shape– this is a great option for people post radiation because it produces healthy non damaged skin onto the chest with a MUCH less chance of contracting and complications.  **I did not have enough belly for a DIEP procedure and I have MULTIPLE medication allergies so I was not a candidate for my foobs to be fully made out of my own body fat, which also HIGHLY decreases risk of complications.

Self Advocating at its finest!               I even prepared photos of what I wanted to look like for my surgeons reference— and YES his team hung it in the OR!

Oh, back to my story… so I go in and the resident asks me what surgery I decided on 1, or 2. Of which my response was NEITHER.  She looked at me so confused and said, “so you decided on no surgery?” Of which my response was, well I came up with my own surgical plan!”  Talk about self advocating— lets just say she quickly got my surgeon to have a little discussion.

Okay so after researching I 100% needed the textured implants OUT.  I didn’t want an extended time off of work and really dislike the scars from the Lat flap procedure even though it probably would have been a “safer” procedure due to the high amounts of radiation my skin has underwent.  I requested a simple swap of the implants, cleaning out of my right contracture, then with the addition of liposuction, he could line the implant with fat grafting to “trick” my body from seeing the implant as a forge in object therefore decreasing the risk of another contracture!  AND HE AGREED!!!!! (Basically I should really just be a doctor at this point– Dr. Koziel, has a good ring to it!)

So that was my plan: Changing out my implants, releasing my capsular contracture of the Right breast, reconstructing the right side with alloderm (which is why I required a drain) and liposuction for fat grafting.

Stay tuned for Part three of this Reconstructive Trilogy for a peek into recovery and what I think of my NEWEST pair of Foobs.  (PS: I may or may not have had my doctor put my foobs in a jar… 😉


Links for references and more information:

Mayo Clinic

Updated FDA Warning Regarding Implants and ALCL


My Surgery Trilogy Part One: Why Another Reconstruction- FDA Warning for Implants Causing CANCER!

Initial Breast Reconstruction: December 15, 2016

Almost one year ago to the exact day, I was preparing for my initial breast reconstruction following 30 rounds of sizzling sweet cancer torching radiation treatments. It would be about 8 months of living with “boulder boobies”, thank you expanders… and I absolutely could not wait to wake up post-op with my dream foobs, or at least so I thought…

As a breast cancer survivor, doing everything from chemo to a double mastectomy to radiation, at this point in my journey and about a year and a half since my initial diagnosis; I was ready for it to be DONE! I simply wanted to get back to living my life, being me, looking cute and feeling sexy as I always have.

I remember having a few surgical consultations with my plastic surgeon however I truthfully don’t remember doing a ton of research of breast implants prior to my initial surgery. I guess reaching what I thought as the “end of my journey” and pretty much being physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted… I basically put all my faith in my surgeon and let him chose what HE thought was my best option. HUGE mistake people! One, why I would ever let a man chose what my boobs should look like is beyond me (even though my surgeon is absolutely fabulous, What is envisioned and what he envisioned were completely different doll parts). Two, there are a kazillion different implant options, why was I only recommended one or two? Hmnnn…


I even remember having second thoughts the week before my reconstruction! As I was getting my pre-op blood work done, I actually called my plastic surgeons office and spoke with the surgical resident basically explaining my fears of waking up with “pancake boobs”, oh no one wants pancake boobs! I swear at this point, I was having dreams almost nightly, okay not dreams… these were freakin nightmares of me waking up, looking down and just crying. Was this a premonition? Perhaps… or something internal pushing for me to use my voice and be very outspoken about what I picture myself looking like, and what is acceptable in my eyes as a beautiful boobiful rack of titty tatas!


Surgery day came and went and I woke up with the larger size implant (praise Jesus), 470cc Natrelle textured teardrop gummy bear implants. Immediately POD #1 I was unhappy with my newly sculpted chest. As I opened the clasps of my front closure surgical bra, I couldn’t help but think of everything I was upset with. After talking to my doctor and him continuing to reassure me that “they have to settle” and “it takes time”… something deep down told me that it simply wasn’t right.

Then, I fell down the stairs. Oh yes… talk about an extremely frightening and painful experience. Luckily this swap for implants from expanders I did not need a drain, but as my arms stretched out to catch my body from slamming into the 6th step from the top, I felt a tear and immediate pain. No blood thank God and my incisions remained closed however It effing hurt! And that’s me describing it nicely. I called my surgeon in tears of which I could only talk to the I call doctor because of the Christmas Holiday. Oh yes… that was a painfully useless conversation. Basically all I did was monitor my incisions as I watched my right foob raise higher and higher on my chest…

Six months post op came and went and well, just as I had expected… my new foobs were wonky as all heck! I would try to look at my chest from different angles, and grew to really love my left non radiated boob much more than it’s evil step sister, the cancer filled radiation burnt beast righty. I remember begging my surgeon from the very beginning to redo my surgery but of course he wouldn’t touch me for about a year post-op to give my skin and surrounding tissues time to settle and heal. That’s when he mentioned a condition known as Capsular Contracture.

“Capsular contracture is a breast augmentation complication that develops when internal scar tissue forms a tight or constricting capsule around a breast implant, contracting it until it becomes misshapen and hard. … Capsules actually form around every breast implant, silicone or saline but has an increased likelihood with radiation” – google


Oh freaking fabulous! So add my fall down the stairs with a feeling of a tear, 30 rounds of radiation with extra boosts because of node positive breast cancer and WAM, you have yourself the perfect candidate for effed up breast reconstruction!

Then, I began to itch. Okay, not that big of a deal right, I mean… it’s newly operated skin, it must be dry- use more moisturizers, or maybe I’m allergic to something I’m using right? Or could it be that my cancer was hiding and has chosen 1 year post active treatment to recur and ruin my start of my new life forever? After multiple scans, tons of follow-up appointments, and continual discussions with all the genius minded doctors on my oncology team, we came to the conclusion that I am still cancer free! Wahooooooo! However, why am I so stinkin itchy? Could it be the implants? Hmn…


Turns out, the FDA released a warning in 2011 identifying “a possible association between breast implants (specifically textured type) and the development of anaplastic large cell lymphoma (ALCL), a rare type of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma”. At that time, they were simply encouraging doctors to explain risks to their patients and simply perform routine monitoring reporting basically there is nothing to really do unless a patient presents with abnormally symptomology including lumps, bumps, swelling, or asymmetry. Well, I don’t exactly remember my surgeon specifically reporting these details to me aside from any of the other hundred warning regarding surgery so allowing him to place “textured” style implants wasn’t even a question because the reward of them not moving out weighed the risk of malfunction right? Everything causes cancer these days, and I already had it once could it really happen to me again? Gosh… I was sooooo naive.


Anyways, my mystery itchy foobs continued on and on with no real explanation. I finally met with my plastic surgeon and my mystery symptom of itchy boobies along with asymmetry due to potential capsular contracture as well as my loathing toward my crooked boobies was just enough ammo to encourage him to take me under the knife yet again. And this time… I’m having everything done exactly as I want!

Stay Tuned for Part 2: Surgery Options- It’s My Choice This Time!



Reaction to the Pink Ribbon One year later: LET’S F*CKING FIND THE CURE!


“I hate October”. “Damn pink washing”. “Cancer is not pretty in pink”. “You can’t tie it up with a pink ribbon and make it okay”.  These are all direct quotes from people on Instagram this October 1st  morning…

Pinktober is here again! Yes…October, the month that is most known as Breast Cancer Awareness month. It is the month where countless brands and organizations are reaching out to survivors and thrivers across the nation to find that new shocking stories of survivorship, heartache, and out of the norm circumstances. Brands and organizations are bringing out their pink memorabilia and every end cap in a store typically has something pink! The array of bald heads, boobs, and ribbons are endless. Then of course there are those dress down days at work where they encourage you to wear pink or you walk into any store and that little pink ribbon is staring back at you saying “buy me, I support the cause…” but what exactly are we raising awareness for? Is any of these pink notions really helping to find the cure or save mine or my breast friends life?


The controversy of the breast cancer symbol has been around from the VERY beginning in the history of the pink ribbon (check out my  earlier blog post about the history of the ribbon History of the Pink Ribbon) Still to this day, people seem to either love it and wear the ribbon proudly while giving thanks for both the symbol and its attention for donations and research. Or, others loath it entirely- it ignites fury and anger…  But contrary to many of society’s mixed-views, what is the big deal about the little pink ribbon after all?


My pre-cancer twenty something self obviously knew of this month being dedicated to breast cancer, however the extent of my knowledge of why it was such a big deal went no further than the purchasing the cheesy pink t-shirt or pair of socks with a ribbon at my local Target.  I would always donate my change or buy a baked good from a fundraiser at work saying it was “supporting breast cancer”. I knew the pink ribbon meant breast cancer, and the little quote “save the boobies” seemed cute because boobs were cute and although I had compassion for people going through cancer, I was under the very ignorant perception that breast cancer was the “best cancer” because people hardly die from it right? You get your boobs cut off, you get new ones, and back to life you go…

Looking back on my young, immature, naive interpretation of this disease came first hand when I received my official diagnosis of an aggressive breast cancer at 26 years young… in October 2015, so to me October really is breast cancer month!

“I have good news and bad news, it is cancer… BUT, we have a lot of treatments that really work for breast cancer”. Wait wait wait…. hold up, say whattttttt?! And with that folks my life began swirling down the rabbit hole of the breast cancer journey which I now consider my life!


So, after IVF and numerous needles to preserve my chances for fertility, 12/16 rounds if chemo which was cut short due to anaphylaxis from being allergic to the poisonous cancer killing drugs, a double mastectomy that took all my tissue and nipples, lymph node resection and dissection that did indeed detect that my cancer had spread, immediate breast reconstruction with expanders, 30 rounds of radiation, and 8 months later having breast reconstruction (which now needs to be redone thanks to radiation and capsular contracture)… I have lived the journey of breast cancer. But, that long list doesnt even touch on the countless pricks and blood tests, port surgeries, heart tests, hormone medications, medications that counter react the symptoms from those medications, hot flashes, anxiety attacks, the tears about losing my hair, the weight loss, the weight gain, the unknown permanent loss of natural fertility, the scars, the pain, my families exhaustion, fears, and pain. This is breast cancer! So yes, I get it people— BREAST CANCER FUCKING SUCKS! And obviously, PINK does not capture the horror, fear, and complete life disruption that this awful disease dawns upon a person! AND, this also doesnt even touch on the absolute heart break of METASTATIC breast cancer that has absolutely NO CURE!!!!!

But lets get back to my pre-cancer self and my understanding of breast cancer. Its the “good cancer” if I had to get cancer right? The symbol is a pink ribbon, and thats my favorite color so thats cool right? I’ll get new fake boobs and get back living my life right? It only happens to old women, it will never happen to me at 26 years old right? Sadly, I am embarrassed to say… I was so so so so so so WRONG!
This is what we MUST change about PINKTOBER!


Survivors and thrivers alike have many thoughts about the color pink and the symbol of the pink ribbon being used to encompass such a dark and scary disease. But to me… thats just it! It is a symbol, a marketing tactic. THATS IT! When you take a step back from the prettiness of pink, pink being a “womans” color, the fact that a single pink ribbon does nothing actually to help detect or save lives… well yes it is heart breaking that it is used so widely amongst our society… HOWEVER!  How absolutely amazing and incredible is it that people DO KNOW what the pink ribbon supports/ stands for, hmm…

In the past 2 years ive lost countless breasties to metastasis and have gained many friends who will be battling breast cancer for the rest of their lives… where does the money go that is raised from the kazillion of items slapped with a pink ribbon on it? Where is the fucking cure?!


This is my thoughts and feelings only, and everyone is able to have their own opinions… but I do support the pink ribbon movement— SLIGHTLY!

How can you support something slightly? Well let me explain… the pink ribbon is a symbol, and that is just it! It is a symbol like a red octagon is a stop sign! If you hold a pink ribbon in the air, I would bet 9 times out of 10, people will be able to tell you that means breast cancer. Just like red means stop, green means go, a stick figure without a skirt is a man and with a skirt is a woman. Hello people! Our lives are surrounded by symbols! Its what we do as human beings, we use symbolism such as in the alphabet, or the shapes that form numbers— as a way to communicate! So yes, I am very thankful for the pink ribbon and its legendary history of gaining awareness as a symbol to mean “breast cancer”.

BUT… let me stop right there! Why do people have such controversial outlooks on this movement then?  Well.. it’s sort of the same reason people are arguing over NFL teams kneeling or standing for the National Anthem… everyone has an opinion.

Instead of hating and despising the pink ribbon as a symbol, lets change the culture, change the awareness, lets educate and use the pink ribbon to our benefit! We have the foundation, people know that a pink ribbon means breast cancer… but now we have to shape that thought and notion.  It is up to us to take OUR SYMBOL and make it into exactly what we want— TO SAVE LIVES and to FIND A FUCKING CURE!


We must educate on early detection. Lets encourage thrivers like Nalie Agustin and her “feel it on the first” movement where every first of the month you publically through social media, or privately in your own home cop a feel of your boobies and check for changes or irregularities. The more awareness we spread to society especially younger generations, the poor comfortable both MEN and WOMEN are with feeling their bodies and going to a doctor is anything seems abnormal!  I also put advocating into this category.  Being a young survivor, I wasn’t exactly taken seriously initially when I first felt my lump— so by encouraging people to push for testing and early screenings, we could save lives!


I surely am NOT getting into politics here… however, WE MUST make congress aware that this is NOT just an “older” person disease! Statistics are proof “1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime”.  That is absolutely RIDICULOUS!!!!! Lets just take a quick look at some of these startling facts thanks to The Young Survival Coalition.

  • There is no effective breast cancer screening tool yet for women under 40, most of whom have dense breast tissue that prevents routine mammograms from being a useful screening tool.
  • Each year, approximately 70,000 men and women age 15 to 39 are diagnosed with cancer in the US.1 Breast cancer is the most common cancer for women in this age group.
  • Every year, more than 1,000 women under age 40 die from breast cancer.

LIKE WHAT!!!!!! Why are insurance companies denying claims.  Why aren’t younger girls like me being taken seriously when they find lumps or bumps? THIS MUST CHANGE!


And finally donations. I get it, everyone has to make a living.  Do you really think Susan J Komen would be thriving off of only “volunteers” working countless hours for nothing? Of course not! Now, do I agree with how salaries are determined, not so much… and do I think majority of the money should go directly to research and individuals fighting for their lives ABSOLUTELY… but, I challenge you to go out and volunteer for one week straight without compensation. You have nooooo money coming in to support your family… would you sign a life long contract to keep volunteering? Of course not!

Come on people how stupid does that sound! Reality is…money makes the world go round, and quite frankly… people NEED money to eat and have a home. So enough with the whole “non profits” shouldn’t pay salaries… because of course they should— its only fair for the work that their fulltime employees provide to make the organization successful… however, should they be making enormous salaries Probably not… but that is something us as a society are flawed in daily.

Truthfully, I have no idea who or what makes salary decisions- HECK I don’t believe I make nearly enough as I should working as a full-time Occupational Therapist, helping people and making a difference in the world… but thats the society we are living in today. No one would want to be a doctor if they were getting paid the same amount as a 10 year old working a lemon aid stand on the side of the street. I However… WHERE donations go, and what they are used for should most definitely should be played out and truthfully disclosed!  We NEED this money to be used for research, education, and finding the FUCKING CURE! It is 2017… modern medicine has far surpassed the dark ages. We must join forces, support eachother, pressure the government and pharmaceutical companies to free the cure—- not only find it but free it because there is no way in hell that the incredible geniouses on this planet have not uncovered one of the most profitable diagnoses on the planet— CANCER!

It is our responsibility as survivors and thrivers to share organizations that are reputable but also know what those organizations do with their funds for people going through this disease.  ALL MONEY DOES NOT JUST GO TO ONE FOUNDATION!!!! You can chose where you make a donation to.  THE PINK RIBBON IS NOT OWNED BY ONE ORGANIZATION!!! Check out these three foundations listed below for reputable sources and money directly benefitting the people affected by this awful disease!

Living Beyond Breast Cancer

Young Survival Coalition



What would changing the pink ribbon symbol do? Noone will ever agree on the same thing to change it to something new, thats just our lives today! Instead of bashing it… lets bring it to life! Lets change the reasons for the pink ribbon and lets form it into the symbol we as survivors and thrivers want as our identity! Lets cash in on the fact that people are aware of the basics, what the pink ribbon stands for and now lets do the hard part… lets change what society has done with our symbol!

So, whether you love or hate that little pink ribbon, lets come together like we do every October and cherish the support from those inside and outside the breast cancer community!  Lets spread positivity, love, and enjoy the spirit of pinktober in your own way!  Take a step back from our own journies and admire how absolutely incredible it is that people support our diagnosis and know our symbol!


I challenge you today on October 1st and throughout EVERY MONTH OF THE YEAR to first and foremost to feel your boobies. Educate yourself and those around you on the signs and importance of early detection for breast cancer. Whether you are a survivor or thriver, stop worrying about the color of pink and people thinking your journey is happy like the color— everyone atleast knows cancer sucks— and most of society feels for patients going through such a devastating journey.  So, lets pull ourselves out of the corner, share our stories, and make a change for our disease! Look at the links above and donate specifically towards organizations that are fighting for the areas of advocacy you believe in whether it be education, research, healthcare reform, technology, or individuals fighting the disease, know where your money is going and feel confdent in your donation. Finally, wear the ribbon or hate the ribbon… LETS JUST FIND THE FUCKING CURE!

XO Meghan


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Shop my store She Sparkles On Boutique for the official October monthly designs! For every shirt purchased, one will be donated to a person going through a cancer battle! Portions of the proceeds are also donated annually to different cancer organzations listed above ❤

**Use coupon code: PINKTOBER for a surprise discount!





When Symptoms Return

A lump, a bump, a random pain or itch. These are all rather common symptoms that my pre-cancer self may have over looked at first. Nowadays, I search my body daily for any sign that my cancer has come back to take vengence over my soul. It is as if in my brain the cancer still resides. Its just hiding, waiting to make its next move.

Back up to a few months ago…

A few months ago, I was #feelinmyself , and noticed a small bump on the upper part of my right (cancer side) implant. Panic filled every pore of my body and I franctically began performing a thorough breast exam, comparing each sides, and praying John would be home soon enough to also feel and contrast. After a busy weekend, John got home and had to do laundry and get ready for the week ahead. We went out to dinner which got my mind of my new lump for a moment anyways.

We were getting ready for bed as I turned over to my loving hubby and said that dreaded phrase “I found a lump”. Now i’m sure if you’ve been following my story you know… im a little bit of a hyperchondriac with lumps and bumps these days. Whether it be on myself or Izzy, my fingers are like magnets! Ive found inflamed lymph nodes in my neck not too long ago, so this also gave me reservations about telling John and calling a doctor despite knowing what was the right thing to do. You don’t want to be seen as dramatic… but there is always that “what if” it is something really serious!

After I told him about the lump, I moved his hand over the spot that I found earlier in the day. To my surprise, he didnt say its nothing. I instantly got a frog in my throat and held back my tears. Why isnt he saying im crazy and nothing is wrong! Instead his response was “lets just call the doctor in the morning”. Well what the hell does that mean! Then my nightly anxiety kicked in…

A long sleepless night later, and my 6:00am morning alarm was much louder and more annoying than Ive ever realized before. Lumps and bumps aside, life goes on. I got ready for work, had a few meetings, and after running around with my kiddos all morning I was finally able to get a hold of my amazing oncologist Dr. Raymond.

Her nurse “Jackie” made me feel comfortable and also made time for me to come into the office after work. I once again, just like when I found my initial tumor explained to my boss, quite openly because truly I have no shame that I found a lump and had to go to the doctor. My job is soooo kind and understanding that she actually let me leave immediately and I was off to the hospital.

Each and every single time I return to the cancer center and see that welcome sign I want to vom. I remember first walking up upon that sign with John when I went for my ultrasound and biopsy… a huge sign with Cancer Center quite frankly SUCKS and is scary and depressing, and shouldnt be allowed;) 

Anyways… I was taken back and my beloved oncologist Dr.Raymond did a physical exam and explained although she doesnt feel like it is anything serious, she would order an ultrasound to get a clearer look and put my mind at peace. So, I went from her office upstairs to the breast center and because i’m a creature of habit, I sat in the same exact seat as I did my first ultrasound and biopsy. I was the only one there so they took my right back.

The tech could tell how anxious and scared I was as the look of fear had to be radiating from my eyes. What if my cancer was back?! I took all the right steps and just feel good as new and boom! The doctor came in and tried to calm my berves by talking me through the exam. A whole lot of cold goo and multiple swipes with the ultrasound wand and the doctor replied…” i dont think its anything more than a ripple”. 

A part of my body wanted to cheer and do a backflip… however my fearxiety kicked in and I didnt fully trust the phsyician. I requested her to check one more time which she so graviously did and once again nothing! I could partially breath! But I still had that unsure part back in my mind that cancer could be lurking around!

Fast forward to my 3 month checkup…

The past couple of months as been rather busy with training and new advocacy activities! I really havent had all that much time to freak over every bump or pain however still have rather frequent anxiety attacks at night. I was due for a 3 month follow-up with my oncologist and for the first time I didnt really have any pushing concerns! I was feeling good and determined to have a quick in and out “visit” per say vs. checkup.

When I arrived the office staff as always welcomed me with open arms and I was taken right back for vitals. Praise jesus, I finally was happy to see that the scale was reading my pre-cabcer weigt of 124!!!!! Wooty woot! Considering ive been hovering anywhere from 128-130 this was a hugeeeeee accomplishment (even though I have lots of toning that still needs to be done!)

I was taken back and my Nurse Jackie came in and gave me a huge hug! We talked about life as usual and she went to get Dr. Raymond. First a fellow came in and introduced herself. She conducted a breast exam and began asking me questions of which I decided to mention the only thing really bothering me aside from hating my implants, was this intermittent itching on the inside of my breast! And normally I wouldnt be so concerned however… aside from my tumor, itching was m only symptom that I had cancer to begin with!

She jotted down some notes and explained that she would go give Dr. Raymond the run down and they would be right back. In that instant I kinda realized this quick little meet up to say hi and get my foobs felt up may be turning into a once again not so fun appointment with potentially crappy news. Dr. Raymond returned within minutes and once again performed a very thorough exam. She explained that typically recurrence will forst show up around the scar line, which mine look very good! However, because Im not very typical with symptoms and side effects, she wanted further diagnostic testing just to be sure.

My immediate thought was “FUCK”! Like really, this is not the time for this BS! Im leaving for vacation Friday, I feel good, I look good… please dont let any “bad news” come out of this. I gathered my paperwork abd headed downstairs to get bloodwork and tests that my doctor ordered completed. She ordered a whole panel of blood tests, a breast MRI which I scheduled for when I return from vacation, and a test called Circulating Tumor Cell Test of the Breast…

Turned out, the typical lab in the hospital couldnt complete the test so I have to go to the specialty lab today. All in all, this has reminded me of a lesson. You may have beat cancer… but cancer always has a way of returning. Even through distant memory and anxiety, fear or recurrence. Cherish your health, enjoy every single moment in life, live like its tour last, and pray that everything will be okay!

Off to my test! I will write up a quick blog when I know the details:(

Xoxo Meg

CBD and Cancer: How RxCanna Care saved my life


That little green leaf, it changed my life forever. Let me explain though. First off, I have never smoked a thing in my life. Never a cigarette, never a cigar, never even a real hookah… and I surely have never smoked that little green leaf. Call it weed, call it marijuana, call it pot, mary jane, or hash… I just never saw the need to dive into this little world of green.

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Living in Pennsylvania my whole life, cannabis had always been illegal to my understanding. Sure, I’ve had friends that played around with this little plant in high school and probably even college, however It was never something I ever felt the urge to be around personally. I have always been the girl to “follow the rules”. Growing up I rarely got into trouble for actions other than being a brat.  I never drank underage, never really partied… call me boring but it just wasn’t my thing.   My parents had it easy with me at least;)

When I received the news of my initial breast cancer diagnosis in 2015 and facing the true fact that I did indeed have breast cancer at only 26 years young, there was never a thought to cross my mind that I wouldn’t be doing traditional treatment including chemo, surgery, and radiation. I get asked all the time, why I chose the treatment regimen I did… and truthfully, it’s because research has shown that the poison I had injected into my veins, the lasers that I had shot through my chest, and the multiple surgeries I had to remove my lovely lady lumps… have proven through research of modern medicine to save lives! The downside to these life saving treatments are the side effects because they make you the most sick. As the chemo or radiation rays are killing the evil cancer cells that have invaded your body, the good cells are also being slaughter in a battle of the body.  That is where lies the problem and reality of a patient going through cancer.

Alopecia, weight loss, steroid induced weight gain, joint pain and discomfort, neuropathy, lymphedema, anxiety, sleep issues, nausea, vomiting and vitamin deficiencies are only a “few” of the side effects that these “life saving” treatments produce. So, in my mind… if I did research and utilize non traditional treatments with traditional measures, I would have a better chance at fighting the side effects and ultimately winning my battle against cancer, right?

So, your probably wondering “okay but why the hell did she start this talking about the little green leaf and now your running a rampage.  Well, back in October 2015 when I first received my “you have cancer” call, my middle sister Samii had an agenda of her own.  Living in California and having a medical marijuana card for her own use, one of her initial instincts was that I had to smoke pot.  Plain and simple the topic was brought up and I immediately shot it down.  One, i’ve never been into “smoking”, I have asthma, to me its not “cool” and the unknown of a “high” is scary to me.  Being that medical marijuana at the time was still illegal in PA, the whole idea was just another headache and I couldn’t deal with her flight of thoughts as I had to worry about potentially dying.

My Introduction to Twompson and Rx Canna Care


With appointment after appointment and finally getting a plan in place, myself and my family prepared for my battle.  However, my persistent middle sister just would’t drop the subject.  She made a few calls and reached out to her friend and Master grower of over 15 years Twompson.  I truly don’t even know what to say about such an incredible man because he truly saved my life!  Around that time, Twompson was simply growing cannabis in California.  His beautiful sister Alyxis actually suffers from eczema and psoriasis and around the same time in 2015 was begging him to come up with some sort of balm that would help her major out break and stop the spread of her skin condition from worsening on her face.

Twompson being skilled in his trade and always fascinated by science, began his own research into the medicinal practices of extracting the purest form of CBD and incorporating it into a cream (now known as Canna Cream).  Around that exact time was when I was entering my cancer battle.  To tell you the truth, back in 2015 and still to this day… not much research exists on CBD.  But, in my mind… what did I have to lose, I already had cancer!  So, Twompson so graciously mailed me the purest for of CBD oil to begin prior to chemo… and I utilized his magical potion throughout my entire cancer journey.

What is CBD?


CBD stands for Cannabidiol.  Our bodies actually all have something called an endocannabinoid system in our brains.  Little Snapple cap fact,  the only way to activate this system is 1.  Through women breast milk (so hopefully we are all done suckling on that after around age one or so, and 2. supplementing with CBD just like any vitamin on the market.  HOLD UP… what am I saying about breast milk????

Cannabinoids and Breast Milk


The human body (and animals none the less) contains cannabinoid receptors in the endocannabinoid system of our brains that are specifically designed to process cannabinoids. This system consists of a series of receptors that are made only to accept cannabinoids, especially the most common compound tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) and 2nd common cannabidiol (CBD).  Studies have actually shown that human mothers naturally produce cannabinoids in breast milk and that they play a very important role in infant development.

Cannabinoids are classified as a neuromodulatory lipid.   One of the main functions of these cannabinoids in women’s breast milk is to help a baby to feed by stimulating the suckling process. Basically, if there were not cannabinoids in breast milk, newborns would not know how to eat or have the desire to eat. Similar to when an adult smokes and gets the “munchies”- in babies, the CB1 receptors are being activated through natural breast milk trigger hunger and therefore promoting growth and development.


Hemp vs. Whole Flower Farms

Supplemental CBD can come from two places, the HEMP plant (WHICH IS CRAP!), or cannabis plant.  When looking into using CBD especially during a diagnosis such as cancer, you want to be using WHOLE FLOWER CBD (aka, the oil is being extracted from the cannabis plant.  Why you ask? Well, let me lay out a picture in your minds.

Hemp is a tall growing plant that is typically bred for industrial use in oils, topical creams, and clothing/ constructional fibers.   It grows in rows of stalks sorta resembling bamboo.  When the compound CBD is extracted, only trace amounts are actually found from hemp plants. What is most annoying is that companies have monopolized on the “hemp” industry because yes, it is technically  CBD however the purity of it is garbage!

In the United States, the cannabinoid compound of THC is illegal, but once again that is only 1/80 compounds found in marijuana, how is that fair! This is why companies are able to use the hemp businesses to market knockoff  CBD treatments.  Basically unless people research it like me, these companies claim that they have the same healing power as pure CBD strains and its all a freakin lie! Its sort of like going to the grocery store and buying a hot dog then putting it under a microscope and seeing eye balls, hair, dust, and every other kind of garbage when you ‘think” you are eating pork.  (SO PLEASE STOP EATING HOT DOGS)… oh and DO NOT BUY industrial hemp CBD! 🙂



That leaves us with an explanation about our little green friend…. marijuana!  The cannabis plant is where the purest form of CBD lies.  I already mentioned that marijuana is comprised with over 80 different compounds.  THC (Tetrahydrocannabinol)- the most known compound, is 1/80 of the compounds found in cannabis that has psychoactive effects therefore making marijuana illegal (until recently in many states).  Tell me how this makes sense at all… so there are 79 additional  compounds that come from marijuana but because 1 compound makes you high is it ILLEGAL?! The way I see it… perhaps our little green friend is “illegal” because those other 79 other compounds can actually SAVE LIVES!!!! grrrr… DAMN you pharmaceutical companies!

Did you know that our cells naturally have cannabinoid receptors. When activated by cannabinoids (like THC or CBD) they help protect cells against viruses, harmful bacteria, cancers, and many other malignancies.  Well that makes perfect sense… and why don’t we have the cure for cancer again?  EXACTLY— a big FUCK YOU to pharmaceutical, sincerely, Meghan!

How CBD Works


Anyways… (sorry for being so heated!) CBD is simply another compound extracted from the marijuana plant.  THC and CBD have been found the have different effects on our bodies and our endocannabinoid systems.  THC binds to our CB1 and CB2 receptors which have direct effects on our central nervous system (CNS), and peripheral nervous system (PNS).  The CNS system consists of two parts including the brain and the spinal cord. Obviously our brain is how we think and interpret our  environment and how we control the movement and actions of our bodies.  So, being that THC has psychoactive effects and its receptors are CB1 in our CNS system, thats why we get HIGH when using THC! OHHHH NOW I GET IT!

Well then, what about the magical compound CBD?  Well CBD has actually been found to have little binding powers to either CB1 or CB2 receptors however, CBD has been found to activate MANY non-cannabinoid receptors. Instead, it binds to receptors, like the “vanilloid, adenosine and serotonin receptors” (you known fancy smancy science stuff). Because CBD doesn’t only bind to one set of receptors like THC, when it finds another binding agent in our body, it plays a role in overall healing like controlling our body temperature, pain perception and inflammation.

Like I said before, CBD does not produce that psychoactive affect that THC does, and that is simply because CBD inhibits the FAAH (Fatty acid amide hydrolase) enzyme in our bodies.  What the heck is that?  FAAH is the compound that activates the CB1 receptor. By binding to this receptor, CBD minimizes the activation of CB1 by THC, reducing its psychoactive effects. AKA, CBD will NOT make you high, therefore it is completely legal!

All the health benefits that CBD has to offer have to do with the particular receptors your body makes it bind to. For instance, when it binds to adenosine receptors, it provides anti-anxiety and anti-inflammatory effects… and don’t we all need that! Another science lesson, adenosine receptors are also involved in the release of two neurotransmitters known as dopamine and glutamate.  Dopamine is involved in cognition, motor control, motivation and reward mechanisms, and glutamate sends excitatory signals and is involved in memory, learning and cognition. Woolah, thank you CBD for helping my body help itself! Shame on you pharmaceutical companies for keeping the magic of healing from our society!

Lets dive a little deeper then… it has also been found that high amounts of CBD (aka only found through whole flower not hemp) have been shown to activate something known as the 5-HT1A serotonin receptor, which actually has an anti-depressant effect on the body! Why I want to mention this, is because this same receptor is also involved in processes including pain, appetite, nausea and anxiety, sleep, and addiction.  Hello! Thats why CBD is the perfect supplement for people going through a cancer journey! Aren’t all of those things side effects to traditional treatments!!! Do you see where i’m going with all this?

Then there is this little bit of information.  CBD has been found to actually block something known as CPR55 signaling, which actually decreases bone re-absorption and cancer cell proliferation.   WOOLAH, I’m pretty sure I just found the cure to freakin cancer through a GODDAM GOOGLE SEARCH!  Okay, well not exactly but… I could be on to something here…

Basically thats why CBD has whole body effects!  The way I explain it is, CBD helps our body, help itself!  And that is the honest truth!


Benefits of using THC, CBD, or CBD and THC

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Basically, which compounds you want in your body all pretty much is broken down to if you want to get “high” or not.  Utilizing CBD and THC will optimize the medical benefits of cannabis however, if you are not in a circumstance to use THC (like me), if it is illegal in your states, if you work professionally, or if you simply don’t enjoy that flighty feeling, then using pure CBD is perfect because you are still accessing the receptors in you brain the heal your body without getting high!  AND the best part, it is COMPLETELY LEGAL in the US (and other countries) because it doesn’t have THC in it!

What conditions does CBD help?

Goodness gracious, I hope I didn’t lose you in all of that.  But, I really want you to understand the benefits of using CBD especially for a journey that could very well be life and death.  The best part is, CBD isn’t just a cancer supplement, but it also can be used for conditions including but not limited to Anxiety, Appetite, Arthritis, Autism, Cancer, Diabetes, Depression, Epilepsy, Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Herniated discs, Immune System, Inflammation, Mood, A sense of well-being, Muscle Spasms, Multiple Sclerosis, Pain Relief, Psychosis, PTSD, Chronic pain, Parkinson’s Disease, Stress, Nausea and Vomiting,  Alzheimer’s…


Phew! Talk about simply amazing right?

Benefits of CBD in Breast Cancer

I’m all about the research so here are a few studies that you can take a peak at on your own time… CBD and Cancer Research links

Basically, CBD works!  Heres another little piece of info copied straight from– when you search the benefits of CBD and cancer:

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Thats all… and your telling me, the government DOESN’T have a cure?  They offered 6 measly bullet points about the benefits of CBD— HAHAH thats literally laughable! OKAY! EFFF OFF government and your will to KILL innocent people by HIDING the cure!  Grrrrr….


RX Canna Care

That all being said… I have now partnered up with RxCanna Care, the company that saved my life!  RxCanna Care went from being a cream created by Twompson for his sister Alyxis for her eczema and psoriasis to that same cream formula being worked with and adjusted to be safe for patients going through a cancer journey like me.  RXCanna Care is committed to offering CBD products that meet the needs of every patient. We currently over multiple lines including Relax Organics and Canna Cosmetics providing high quality products that have whole body affects, organic ingredients, and the purest CBD without THC from whole cannabis flower extraction techniques


What is so awesome about Rxcanna Care is the fact that our CBD does NOT come from hemp oil and is from a strain of cannabis that has the lowest THC level on the market!  Whole flower CBD must be carefully cared for and nourished so that the cannabis plants will produce flowers, then the cannabidiol compound is extracted to produce the highest purest CBD without THC. Its like would you rather buy fruit from a stand on side of a highway, or from a farm that doesn’t allow planes to fly over and uses all organic treatments to decrease risk of infection, bacteria, and disease? Its all about quality for RXCANNA CARE and thats why I feel 100000000% comfortable sharing their information, their products, and their drive to help others with all of you!

Check out their website and products using coupon code “sparkle4life” for a special discount at RxCanna Care

My use of RxCanna Care during my treatment

Around that time in 2015, I was a 26 year old friend of Twompson’s and was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. He provided me with his CBD in a tincture of oil which she used orally throughout  my 12 rounds of intensive chemotherapy.  To my and my families surprise, I never threw up, had an appetite, never had a drop in blood cell counts.  For me, the taste of the oil he initially provided me was smokey and I would gag with its sublingual administration.  However the new tinctures hardly have a taste at all! Perfect for anyone going through chemo when your senses are all over the place!

Back when I was using the oil and could hardly stand the taste, my mom actually placed the oil into a capsule for me to swallow without bearing the flavor.  However now looking back and knowing what I do about CBD and your body, taking oil in a pill form is decreasing your overall dosage of the compound.  The whole point of the pill is to get it into your stomach, however inside your stomach is stomach acid which breaks down the pill first.  Basically, instead of the compound being absorbed straight into your blood stream, its hitting your stomach acid therefore you may need more of a dosage than if you take it under your tongue.  Thats why RX Canna Care has the perfect tincture eliminating the taste and providing purest CBD!

I also used RxCanna Care products throughout all of my scare and radiation treatment for skin protection and healing!  I’ve explained how the whole idea of the canna creams came from Twompsons sister Alyxis who suffered from psoriasis.  Well, around that time that he whipped up his cream formula was the same time I would be having my port, mastectomy, and starting radiation.  I looked at his all organic formula and compared it to the recommended aquaphor and coco butter as referred by my radiation oncologist.  I chose to take a risk and use only canna creams during my recovery and to our surprise, my healing is beautiful! My prof scar and radiation cuts are already lightened and only 1-1/2 years old!

The biggest benefit I found was bearing my skin during 30 rounds of radiation.  Choosing to use a product that really didn’t have any research was risky, but I believed whole heartedly in the formula. To my and my doctors surprise, I had amazing results! I say it all the time, Canna Cosemetics not only saved my skin… but RxCanna Care saved my life!  I never burned through full chest radiation!  I would apply the cream about 4 times a day and where ever the cream touched, I found that I was protected!  I sort of performed my own research study because it turned out that my doctor never told me to coat my chest, armpit and back being that radiation shoots through your chest and out your back.  Well, surprise surprise, I didn’t apply the cream to my back, and that was the only place I burnt!  Like, thats incredible!


Plain and simple, anyone going through a cancer journey should at minimum be on a CBD regimen.  If you are able and willing to use THC all power to you… however because of its psychoactive effects, this simply is not feasible for many people.  I am a living testimony that CBD works!  I did not have a full response to chemotherapy because I did not get he suggested 16 rounds (I only received 12) because of severe allergic reactions however once my mastectomy was completed I got clear margins and after 30 rounds of radiation, I was deemed cancer free!  Now I am NOWHERE saying that CBD cures cancer, however i’m sure with more research one day we may see a link between cannabis and all its compounds affecting the cure!  I am however saying that CBD will help your body help itself heal and fight the side effects of traditional treatments.

RxCanna Care is a company that has the purest form of CBD without THC on the market and utilizes all organic ingredients in any of its creams, lotions, or skin care items.  They hold the greatest integrity in manufacturing their own items, and everything is overseen my the owner Twompson.  He will even answer any questions or concerns directly, he’s incredibly intelligent and literally saved my life!



**This blog post is in no way recommending only using CBD as a treatment for cancer, it is not saying that CBD is the cure for cancer. All recommendations should be cleared by your physician prior to supplementing with CBD and any vitamin for that matter!


  1. Pertwee RG., Pharmacology of cannabinoid receptor ligands, Current medical chemistry, 1999, 6(8):635-64;
  2. Ashton JC, Wright JL, McPartland JM, Tyndall JD, Cannabinoid CB1 and CB2 receptor ligand specificity and the development of CB-2 selective antagonists, Current medical chemistry, 2008, 15(14):1428-43;
  4. Racz I, Nadal X, Alferink J et al., Crucial role of CB2 cannabinoid receptor in the regulation of central immune responses during neuropathic pain, The Journal of Neuroscience, 2008, 28(46):12125-35;
  6. Costa B., Giagnoni G. et al., Vanilloid TRPV1 receptor mediates the antihyperalgesic effect of the nonpsychoactive cannabinoid, cannabidiol, in a rat model of acute inflammation, British Journal of Pharmacology, 2004, 143(2):247-50;


From “I have cancer” to “I had cancer”

Wow! It feels like I haven’t written in forever!  A part of me wants to blame it on my busy life, getting back to dipping my feet into a kazillion different things from work to hobbies, then theres that part of me that doesn’t feel like the past couple months have been very “cancer exciting” so why should I blog for you all… I mean I guess thats a good thing right?

Today I am one month short of being 1 whole year cancer free (from my last radiation treatment)— and oddly enough, it feels like that July day was way longer than a year ago!  Its so bizarre because its as if my brain is naturally blocking the most difficult times of my life as a natural coping mechanism.  I feel like this chapter of my life has been closed for such a long time!  I mean, my hair is now shoulder length, I have energy to do things, I want so badly to just live my life again!  But the truth is… I have a new life now, and I have to find a way to come to terms with this reality.

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Survivorship puts you into this awkward limbo state.  You are deemed “cancer free” after your last treatment however they don’t necessarily have a test that can actually identify on a cellular level if indeed ALL the cancer is out of your body… so am I supposed to believe my doctors?  Even months after receiving my “cancer free” card… I still found it awkward to say “I HAD cancer”, what if I still “HAVE cancer”? Then my hair and outward appearance is still different so it’s just easier to say, “oh I have cancer”thats why my hair is short and I’m chubby… then there is that pity party— UGH its just so complicated!


When cancer treatments are over, we are expected to be happy!  We’re expected to just jump on back to the life we once lived.  To get back to work, get back to the gym, get back to life… and that is simply so far from the reality of it all.  No-one really sees all the PTSD and anxiety that us survivors live every single day.  Living in fear that one day we will wake up and the cancer will be back and we will have to live this hell all over again.  The truth is, we don’t get to go back in time to our pre-cancer existence, we are simply forced to move forward, and move on, that is one of the most difficult parts of this journey yet!

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I remember my doctors telling me, “I am going to bring you to near death with your treatments in order to save your life”.  It isn’t until a year and a half later that I am looking back and realizing the true depth of this statement.  A part of me is so thankful— HELL IM ALIVE!  But, then theres a part of me that looks at how different my life is.  I am filled with anxiety, i’m unhappy with my body, my hormones are all over the place, I may never be able to have a child of my own naturally— that hurts! I have only recently realized that the old me is actually gone forever. Yes, physically treatment has saved my life, however cancer has stolen my life- my old life is dead, the new me is alive. But who am I?

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There was a time during treatment that all I wanted to hear was that “I am cancer free”.  I prayed for a complete response to chemo- I didn’t get that.  I begged for clear margins post my mastectomy- I was so blessed to have a perfect surgery.  I dreamed of getting back to life… but thats just it, this new life is hard freakin work! I question my existence everyday.  Do my old friends not talk to me because I am different?  Will I only ever be able to truly connect to Breasties I meet online or through travel?


Once my treatments ended, I think Ive been faced with more fear than during chemo!  The fear of the unknown attacks me daily and my incredible husband is always there to build me up from the crumbling mess I become especially at night when my brain doesn’t want to stop thinking about the what ifs.  The average person doesn’t realize that when someone is going through cancer, they see atleast one doctor weekly if not multiple times a week.  Now, I don’t see my doctors for 3-6 months at a time! It is the weirdest and scariest feeling ever, because what if i’m missing a symptom that they would be able to catch and i’m overlooking.

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From looks, to career, to friendships, to hobbies, to overall attitude, views, and determination— my life has completely changed. Heck I’m Meghan Koziel now not even Meghan Franz! My name has even changed thank you marriage:)! I’d say I am a completely different person, and although a part of me is sad for losing my boobs, my cute skinny body, my hair… I am so blessed for becoming a strong, compassionate, lively me!

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For the past year and a half I’ve been a 26 year old diagnosed with breast cancer… today, I am Meghan Koziel a 28 year old wife, puppy mommy, daughter, sister, Occupational Therapist, blogger, advocate and boutique owner.  I am involved with multiple breast cancer organization, I participate in local and travel meet ups with breasties, I even continue to dedicate countless hours conversing with girls and guy through instagram providing encouragement and experience.  Although I will NEVER put my cancer journey behind me… I think it is time to push forward and move on to the “I HAD cancer” phrase… maybe?



Mothers Day for the 20 something with Breast Cancer


Today is Mothers Day! I am so blessed to have such an absolutely incredible mommykins! She raised not one, not two, but three beautiful, independent, creative, and determined daughters! Without her in my life, I could have never ever ever beat that big scary thing called CANCER. I am also blessed enough to have an equally amazing Mother in Law whom has accepted me with open arms into her family.  She is loving and shows my husband and I daily how to love!


Over the past two years since my diagnosis, I have had to make some incredibly difficult decisions that the typical 26 year old may never imagine she’d be faced with. Going from being a carefree, outgoing, motivated young adult whom is just finding her place in the world, to having her world shatter from under her feet is the most difficult thing Ive ever had to face in my life.

Then comes looking towards the future. When you are diagnosed with a condition that ultimately may take your life, it changes everything forever. It changes your body, your attitude, your general well being. But more importantly, it changes all your goals and aspirations and paths you may be forced to take to live the life you’ve always imagined. Cancer is like a major detour, at the time it sucks but eventually, somehow, you will get to your final destination.

Being a twenty something young woman in a committed relationship and having cancer, one of the biggest decisions surrounding our future was not us getting married in two weeks so I didnt lose my hair for the wedding pics, but it was moreso how to preserve our chance to ever have a child of our own.  It breaks my heart when friends and family members bring up the whole “oh when are you guys going to be starting your family”, when the truth is WHO THE HELL KNOWS!

So, when going through chemo as a girl in her 20s… one of the most important things to consider is your baby making parts. Ovarian preservation is key to holding on to a chance of one day creating a baby naturally. However, then you add estrogen driven cancers into the mix such as mine, and you have a complete recipe for disaster of any chance to ever conceive naturally. My now hubby and I chose to preserve my fertility by going through IVF, making embryos and eggs, and Ive been placed on a medication called Lupron which basically shuts down my ovaries in hopes that when I am done “treatment”, I can stop taking Lupron and my ovaries will stretch, yawn, and awaken from their nap? Maybe…


I am at the age when most of my friends and older cousins are married and beginning their families. I am so blessed that my hair is growing back, i’m in a job I can handle physically, and I am beginning to live again. I feel like people think my cancer is in the past, but they don’t realize that I will be living with cancer for the rest of my life.  I spend countless tears on everything that cancer has stolen from me.  When your invited to baby shower after baby shower or my facebook is filled with adorable photos of baby giggles… deep down, its heart breaking because it is something Ive always imagined to be so simple to have, and now– there is a great possibility that it is just not in the cards.

For me, I’ve always dreamt of being a mom. Whenever I was little, I would always play the teacher or the mom amongst my sisters and Barbies. I love kids. I have chosen to dedicate my life as a Pediatric Occupational Therapist to help children become as independent as possible on the daily! When my doctors explained to me that motherhood may never happen for me naturally because of chemo… I felt like a part of my being was gone forever.  How am I supposed to be a wife when my lady parts are broken? Isn’t that one of the main reasons people get married to have babies.  What is my husband who wants nothing more than to coach his kids in sports going to do when I may not be able to provide him babies?!


In mainstream media and the age of Sixteen and Pregnant or Teen Mom, our society (including myself and John— yes we love our reality TV) is raised upon the idea of “making good choices”, “keepin it wrapped”, and the lovely birth control is the way to beat teenage pregnancy. When I was a teen I was all about pregnancy prevention because we are raised with this idea that “your life will be over” or “you will never amount to anything” once you are young with a baby.  Young girls are being placed onto birth control in their early teens unaware of all the horrendous side effects and potential cancer causing hormones they are placing into their bodies as a hope to not get knocked up!


You watch these shows and now pretty much every Teen Mom has multiple babies, it looks so easy… a little wam bam thank you man and wooolah, 9 months later your a mommy…

Then, there is the reality of a young girl with cancer. To put is truthfully, there is hardly any research that says when a good time after cancer it is to try to conceive, especially for cancers driven my estrogen. Researchers don’t want to do the studies because what would be worse than a doctor saying “go ahead have a baby”, then your cancer comes back full force! Basically, if I end up getting pregnant the risk would be that if there is any little inkling of cancer left in my body… the natural rise of estrogen that comes with pregnancy could potentially make the cancer cells multiply and i’ll have a huge issue with a major recurrence. Can you believe that today, in 2017 there is yet to be a test that can detect down to the teensy weensy cellular level to say yes you still have cancer cells or no you dont! This is a mere reason that they will only conduct a Ultra sound, mammogram, MRI, or PET scan if there is something visible on a physical exam— but thats for another blog post…

Basically, my loving hubby and I are going to be faced with yet another decision! (Did I mention I absolutely HATE decisions?) Should we just go for it, live our life minus the serious fears that my cancer can come back and kill me? Should we save every single penny we make and look into surrogacy or adoption? Is it fair for me to want a baby, possibly get pregnant then have a recurrence and have John have t raise a baby and care for a sick wife… again? Or should I be satisfied with my puppy son Izzy?
This Mothers Day, I have a whole different look on what a Mother is.

As per google… mother ˈməT͟Hər/noun 1. a woman in relation to her child or children.

Well, as of now, Izzy is my child. So, I will be celebrating Mother’s day as the pretty fantastic puppy mom that I am! I have raised him to have manners (sometimes), Ive taught him to sit and give paw, Ive cleaned up is puke and poop, Ive cuddled him when he was sad or hurt, Ive fed him, ive woken up countless nights because he cant sleep (and wants to run around like a psycho or go outside a kazillion times), ive given him baths, ive given him medicine, and when he was going through chemo… I was there to hold is paw and give him kisses on his head just like me mom did for me. Most of all, I have given him all my love of my entire heart and he will forever be my first child!

Conceiving a child does not make you a mother. Being a mother is hardwork and it isn’t for everyone. A mother is someone who guides their children, cares for their children, teaches their children, protects their children, and most importantly LOVES their children. It doesnt matter if your child has hair or fur, if your child is adopted, a snowflake baby, or an angel baby… its the Love that you give towards that child that makes you a mother.

So, on this Mothers Day… I would like to encourage anyone whom is unable to naturally conceive a child to never give up. Wipe those tears from your eyes and write out a plan. There are kazillions of ways to give your love onto a child, you may not be offered an “easy” route but you will find your way! It is hard for even me to be okay with saying this but, whether I can conceive or not… we will do what we have to and pay any price to either have a surrogate or adopt a child and with all the love that we have in our hearts, and that child will grow to love their life! Never underestimate a pet mommy because you NEVER know the truth or whole story to their child bearing journey.  STOP asking WHEN people are going to have a baby, its none of your business honestly unless they discuss it with you.  Oh and Have a very Happy Mothers Day, hold those kiddos of yours close because somewhere there is someone like me who would do anything to have a child of their own.


Introducing:She Sparkles On Boutique

Logo Small.pngEver since I was a little girl, I dreamt of being a mom, a teacher, a vet, a lawyer, and a doctor. I became an Occupational Therapist, then a puppy mommy, then a wife, and truly embraced my life! I’ve always loved helping others and volunteering so my job as an OT was perfect because I get to make a difference in peoples lives everyday.


Once I was diagnosed with breast cancer in October 2015, all my life plans and goals were lost in an abyss filled with appointments, treatments, and the world of cancer. I had to leave my job as an acute care Occupational Therapist because I was physically de-conditioned as well as had a lowered immune system to be working with already sick patients. It was then that I decided to use my time off from work to continue my life mission of making a difference in the world.

When I was going through treatments, I received many amazing gifts from family, friends and acquaintances that truly made my days. The power of a gift, whether small or large took my mind off of my reality for a split second and kept me going. One common thing I found with “breast cancer” themed gifts (to no ones surprise I’m sure) was anything and everything with a pink ribbon. At the time, seeing that symbol to me, simply meant cancer. It didn’t mean surviving because at that time I was truly fighting for my life, felt insecure, and scared.

Although I am not anti that little ribbon, today I am proud to see it because I am officially a survivor. However, I found a need for cancer gifts to not be so harsh and including that ribbon on every single piece of merchandise that benefits breast cancer awareness…

Thus came the creation of She Sparkles On Boutique.

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Going through treatments, feeling the sickest i’ve ever felt, being placed on short term disability, its all completely life changing. But, it also gives you time to think… how can I make a difference in the cancer community? I am a creative person and have numerous ideas swirling around in my chemo curled head that I am so excited to share with the world!

Instead of giving up and just going with the flow of my cancer journey, I have decided to change my fate. My goal is to save lives… but more importantly put a smile on someones face who has been locked in the bathroom staring at their reflection in the mirror and seeing a stranger looking back at them. I spent countless hours in hsterics over losing my hair, and now a days, I am the hardest on myself over my post treatment hormone therapy plump body that is far less defined than my pre-cancer sexy self;) When someone feels lost, I want my Sparkle On line to brighten their day.

Full of wit, humor, beauty, and glitter, She Sparkles On Boutique offers different lines of original themed designs. Split up in different collections, She Sparkles On has something for everyone whether they are going through active chemo or radiation, have had surgeries like lumpecty or mastectomies, are a previvor, co-survivor, or simply wanting to support any cancer diagnosis out there in the world.

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In designing my company, I put a lot of me and my style in the work. I rarely wear a classic t-shirt so I really wanted my designs to reflect accessories that are stylish that anyone could wear to support the cancer cause but also be sparkly and stylish at the same time! Incorporating styles like a sexy v-neck fitted tee, a beautiful flowy tank, a light weight t-shirt hoodie, and even some more traditional styled t-shirts for a more generic look, the styles are truly unique and to be an inspirational staple of anyones closet! From shirts, to tanks, to sweatshirts, to blankets that help with those days you just want to cuddle up because you need a hug… this is the line that will encourage you to SparkleOn!

But thats not all! My mission has always been to help others. So, aside from people having an alternative to pink ribbon themed gifts, I am also going to be donating portions of every single order so that these gorgeous designs can be shared and brighten the days of young people all around the world facing the cancer journey! Thats right, I will be making large quarterly donations of products to hospitals and individuals through giveaways so make sure to follow me on instagram: Mego Koziel for details!

How to get to my boutique you ask? Thats Easy! Click the “Boutique” button on my blog header, or check out my direct link to the shop at I will host many deals and discounts as well as new product so if you would like to bring a little sparkle to someones life with a very special gift designed and created by me, a cancer advocate, survivor, and sparkle enthusiast- head over and shop your heart out!

I am so so so excited and blessed for this launch, I have so many ideas and products in the works. Stay tuned because She Sparkle On WILL be known as THE place to put a smile on a patients face and provide inspiration to #sparkleon
Xoxo Meg

Ps: a very special thanks to my brother in law Dave Koziel of The Beer Life for making all my business dreams come true! Without you, none of this would have been possible!!! Xo

Boobie Blues:(

Im totally supposed to be sleeping but I have a headache and my mind is going a million miles a minute! I received a comment on one of my instagram posts that has been really getting to me. Surprisingly, it was nothing really negative, but has made me extremely self conscious about my breast reconstruction. Since my reconstruction in December ive tried really hard to listen to my surgeons advice, wait the six months for my skin to heal and implant to settle, but now im just getting impatient, and for good reason id have to say!

The comment read, “Do you have different implants in both? Or just one side?” In essence this is a pretty valid question I guess because my chest does look crooked. But come on, why would I get two different sized implants? Anybody that educates them self on breast cancer, reconstruction, and radiation knows that your skin changes. You do not get that “glamorous boob job” you’ve ever dreamed of. It was sort of like a slap to the face. 

I try sooooo hard to love my body, embrace my scars, show my chest to empower other girls like me, and yet Im upset because deep down I miss my old boobs:( I miss my tiny tatas with my cute little nipples that didnt need to be glued on. I am sick and tired on the pain and discomfort around my bra line, and I crave dressing up in my glitzy Victoria Secret bras:(

I am literally to the point that I want to call my surgeon and beg him to take these implants out and redo them! But then again, what if my skin continues to remain tight and it is all for nothing? What if I roll the dice one too many times and get an infection and lose my boobs all together!! I wish someone would have educated me on the difference of profiles and implants before I simply went with my surgeons recommendation.  My gummie Naturelle teardrop shaped implants are just not what I imagined:( they are hard and Its impossible for me to have cleavage. I just want to feel normal and sexy again:(

Ugh… late night brain wandering is the absolute worst. Oh well, this lopsided princess must get some beauty rest…

What type of implants would you recommend? Im thinking of round, high profile exchange…

Xoxo Meg

Nipple Options Post Mastectomy

My entire life i’ve dreamt of getting fake boobs. Literally, I remember being the youngest of ages stuffing tissues or socks in my shirt as I starred in a mirror, readjusting and copping a feel of myself. I had a serious fascination with looking “womanly”, “sexy”, and the look of round perkiness hovering just above a low revealing v-neck was my goal in life. Seriously though, good cleavage is the ultimate of sex appeal! I idolized Barbie. Yes I completely understand that “if Barbie was real, she would be highly disproportional”, however… who doesn’t want to be blonde, thin, with perky boobs, drive a pink car, and own high heels in like every color imaginable? Thats literally my dream come true!

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer and heard the news that my best surgical option would be a double mastectomy to decrease my risk of a recurrence, my first instinct and I believe may have been my direct quote was “sign me up!”. Literally take my tits I do not want to die! In that instant, and in my head I just wanted the cancer out of my body. However, that naive version of myself couldn’t comprehend at the time that this would rather quickly end up being a lifelong journey and definitely not an easy fix to rid the cancer!



There are many different variations of a mastectomy. There are unilateral meaning one breast, bi-lateral meaning both breast. Then there is something known as nipple sparring or non nipple sparring which quite simply means you wake up either with nips or without. In my case, I had a bilateral non nipple sparring mastectomy due to my tumor being so close to my nipple and my genetic PALB2 component making me 30% more likely to have a recurrence.

In lame mans terms, I have no tits or nips! I woke up after my mastectomy with many new lines and drains, but I was missing two of my most prized procession. The two things I waited to grow my entire life. At the age of 26 and whether it be that I had finally matured into my womanly body or just gained a few extra pounds since college, I was finally excited to finally have cleavage (after wearing a Victoria Secret miraculous bra of course) Then boom! Bye bye boobies, thank you cancer!

I almost instantly traded in my Victoria Secret swovarski crystal bras for front opening white basic bitch sports bras from Wal Mart. I was left with two bandages in horizontal lines across my chest. And a few weeks later, once my doctor removed my bandages, I looked down and realized I was the female Frankenstein! My chest was completely flat, to the point that in photos my chest could have been mistaken for my back. Beneath that white tape were two scars that I will have as a souvenir of one of the craziest journeys of my entire life!

Post Mastectomy Decisions


Following a mastectomy you are faced with yet again a TON of decisions. There are decisions for the boobs, the nipples, and the skin care for scarring and each of these decisions will effect your physical and emotional self forever. I chose to have immediate expander placement following my mastectomy which means my expanders were placed under my muscle directly following my surgical oncologist cutting out all of my breast tissue. I then went through multiple expander fills prior to radiation, then about 8 months following my mastectomy, I opted for breast reconstruction.

(Side note: I have outlined my mastectomy, fills, and breast reconstruction details in prior blog posts… check them out for all the nitty gritty details!)

Basically, following a mastectomy your doctor will give you many different options and you truly have to pick the one that will make you feel most comfortable within your own skin. Often times, to get back to a somewhat pre-cancer, quote on quote “womanly” body, you will be forced to undergo multiple surgeries which in return means pain, blood, and tears. There is breast reconstruction, nipple reconstruction, nipple/ areola tattooing, then if you have complications you may opt for adjustments, tattoos may fade, and nipples may diminish, ugh… so which one is the right one for me?

My Quest for the Perfect Nipple


This whole past year, I have been going back and forth between “team” for nipples or anti nipples. I have to explain my personal view then Ill go into my decisions made. Plain and simple, I have grown to love my scars and my flat clean chest. I am a little obsessed with how beautifully my scars have healed (thank you rxcannacare) and simply LOVE going braless (one shout out to Cancer for bringing me convenience in one aspect of my life!) It is pretty amazing to not have to worry about finding my nude bra for when I wear a white tshirt. Also, I get to wear all those really adorable crotchet back tops that require a funky strapped bra or no bra with madonna nipples as soon as they touch the cold air because guess what, I dont have to worry about a bra at all! It is pretty fabulous I must say!


However, all my love for the convenience of not having nips aside, there is still a small part of me that gets a little self conscious about my body. I post topless photos all the time because I dont feel like these breasts are mine. To me they are fake boobies, “foobies”. The will never be my old boobs. My scars cover up anything sexy about my chest. I feel the farthest thing from sexy actually. Its sad because I feel undesirable and most definitely unattractive because of my chest.

I was priveleged enough to have found my knight in shining armor pre-cancer. So he knew my old titty tatas and now my foobies. And although he sayssss I am beautiful and my chest doesnt bother him… Deep down I know it does. I mean, if I dont feel like they are natural, and I treat them as a foreign thing… how can he get turned on by them? I can count on one hand how many times since my mastectomy he has even touched my chest and probably each of those times was me facilitating and guiding his hand to cop a feel. Its awkward all around… and thats when I realized that nipples may be the missing piece to my sexay puzzle!


I have started looking into my next step of whether or not I wanted new nipples, but thought I had finally come to the decision that I feel more comfortable hiding behind my scars, keeping my unnatural feeling breasts and thats just my reality because I had breast cancer at 26 years old. Im married, he says he’s fine with it so thats a wrap, right? I mean, I guess so… but it is 2017, so why not atleast look into different options.

What are Your Options?
So what are the options when you wake up from surgery and are nippleless like an utterless cow? Well its your lucky day, because there are a slew of options, you just have to find the one that works best for you! Of course going nippless is completely fine and dandy if you feel comfortable in your new skin, which I absolutely believed I was… until I tried out some options. There are invasive and non invasive options, Lets start with the surgical approach…

Nipple Reconstruction


PROS: This would probably be the most invasive option for obtaining nipples because it does involve surgery. All surgeons are different however, my surgeon performs the breast reconstruction with the insertion of implants, has you wait another six months to allow the skin and tissue to heal, then starts to discuss adjustments and nips. Basically a plastic surgeon is able to “build up” and actually form a nipple from underneath the skin to create the illusion of having an actual 3d nipple! It provides you with a little lump that can be played with, flicked, or sucked! Every woman’s dream right?! If only you didn’t have decreased sensation following a mastectomy.

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CONS: One of the major downsides to this option is that there is a chance, and many people have reported to me that the nipple that is reconstructed often collapses or diminishes, so you either have to undergo another surgery or live with a flat nipple anyways. You also then have to almost definitely look into areola/ nipple tattooing because its all swell and good that you now have the nipple formed, but “normal nipples” are a different pigment from your skin therefore to make it look somewhat natural, your going to have to get some sort of coloring or pigmentation applied.

3-D Nipple/ Areola Tattooing


PROS: That brings me to tattooing! I have had a few tattoo artists reach out to me and I’ve looked at many options going the more artistic route. If you chose to venture down the tattoo route, I’ve heard artists saying you can undergo tattooing as soon as 3 months following reconstruction! You can do tattooing whether or not youve had nipple reconstruction because the artists are actually able to use contrasting colors to create shadows and an illusion that the nipples are actually pertruding! A great option whether you chose to undergo nipple reconstruction or not. This is a way to provide a more visual normalcy to having nipples again!


CONS: Some problems I have seen going this route are finding a good artist and the cost. One of my greatest fears with tattoos are how permanent they really are. Hellz, if they go to town and my nips come out looking like pepperonis, im stuck with that shit for the rest of my life! Then theres some tattoos that have serious Montgomery gland protrusion. These often look like little spots or dots apples to the areola. Like, I am not okay with my tits looking like they have an STD! So not only am I going to be stuck with unnatural foobies, but now they are a serving platter for some bologna tits! Like, no… wayyyyy to risky for me anyways…

Chest Piece Tattoos

PROS: Then there is the beauty of receiving a chest piece! I have seen some freaking gorgeous tattoos that stretch across womens breasts. From flowers to animals, these are used as a symbol of making it through the journey of cancer. This route is much more symbolic I feel, and to some; this can also be used as a coping mechanism. Others may chose this option when their scars are dark or implants show significant rippling as a way to camouflage their imperfections.


CONS: For me, I have some tattoos but nothing large. All I can think about is what that tattoo will look like when i’m 80 years old. I would want that portrait to last and look like the weeks following its completion, surely not just a blob or bleeding colors.  This is also a very permanent option.  Especially after those of us have undergone so much radiation, if you do receive a tattoo that you aren’t satisfied with… you can’t just get laser removal.  You are pretty much stuck with what you get.

Temporary Nipple Tattoos


PROS: Then, I found temporary nipple tattoos! I figured this was a sure solution to my nippless problem. I reached out to the company “tata tattoos” and they sent me out some samples!  Tata Tattoos- Amazon Literally I felt like I was 5 tears old again and ready to apply tattoos all up and down my arms! They sent me a sample pack so I had many different pigments to pick from. I chose a pair I “thought” were close to my natural color. A little lining them up in the mirror, adding some water, peeling the paper back ever so carefully and BAM! I had myself some nipples! Wonderful, creative alternative and even something to try if your contemplating nipple reconstruction or tattooing!


CONS: In theory this was a fantastic option, until I looked up in the mirror. I initially thought they looked a little odd, even for my B-ish sized expanders. The size and shape just looked very small circles. And the color didn’t seem all that right. But then, I walked out and showed my husband and his face said it all. We both just laughed hysterically. Okay, I legit had pepperonis on my chest! I most definitely picked the wrong color! And, the best part… I couldn’t get them off for about a week! Ugh, nipple FAIL!

Basically, if you dont go the tattoo route, you really arent going to be able to recreate the look of an areola or natural colored nipple. Its practically impossible unless you are a seriously amazing makeup artist and can spend the time drawing on semi permanent nipples that wont wipe of when you get a little sweaty during some bam chica wam wam… but still im sure theyd wipe off then your partner will be like, “wait a second, where did your nips go” and that would be seriously embarrassing. Or, you get caught in a rain storm and your boobs get wet then the makeup runs through your white shirt and people are like, “um whats on your shirt?” And you say “omg my nipples”! Like, save yourself the torture!

Finally… Nipple Prosthetics

Creator of Pink-Perfect, Michal Arbel

Lets get to what you have all been waiting for, the story of my new nips! Thats what led me to my next option, nipple prosthesis! I attended the Young Survival Coalition Summit Conference 2017 in Oakland California (full blog to come), and amongst a slew of absolutely amazing vendors laid a table full of nipples. I am not talking pictures of nipples, I’m not talking statues of nipples, i am talking real life freakin nipples!! Okay, they weren’t real nor alive but that were silicone nipples and they were the most real looking nipple alternatives I have found yet!


Pink-Perfect, a company created by artist and breast cancer survivor herself Michal Arbel makes a variety of shape, size, color, and texture of nipples! Literally it looked like hundreds of different types of nipples for all skin tones to create a more natural booby look! For my sisters with one nipple, this is the best part, these are custom, and she is an absolute expert at matching her product to your existing single nipple.


PRO: Pink Perfect creates high quality, realistic, custom-made and easy to use adhesive silicone nipples to make us nippless beings feel beautiful inside and out. Aside from them looking absolutely as real as it gets, they feel real too! The silicone make the nipple squishable, and overall comfortable. And, (this is the best part of all) the glue adhesive can last up to 2 weeks per application! They are waterproof too! They can be worn in the shower or during swimming! Like for real, how incredible are these!

CON: Now in this day and age, pretty much anything that is fabulous always comes with a price tag.  Pink-Perfect has two different routes that you can chose from. #1: they make a ready -made tailored for women who underwent a unilateral or bilateral mastectomy. They currently have 3 different styles including Natural, Modest or Bold. Each style differs in nipple projection and areola texture and comes in 8 different color variations. These pre-made nips run about $240.00. #2: The custom version is intended for women who have undergone a unilateral (single) mastectomy.They provide you with an impression kit including high quality silicone.  You make your imprint, send it back and in return you will receive an extremely realistic nipple which will resemble your remaining nipple! How flipping cool is that! The only downside to this option is that it will run you $370.00-$440.00 (dependent on if you receive the impression kit or not).


Insurance Coverage

One additional positive about Pink-Perfect is that within the US, they are covered under HCPCS billing code L8032 (“Nipple Prosthesis, reusable, any type, each”).  You can contact your insurance company and with a qualifying diagnosis and surgery requiring nipples and many insurance providers will cover them. You may need to talk to your plastic surgeon for a prescription,  however it is definitely worth it due to the high cost!  The way I see it is if its going to make you feel comfortable and sexy then that is truly priceless!


“Pink Perfect uses a waterproof Pros-Aide® & Telesis® Adhesives which are intended for external prosthesis usage. Both adhesives are from FDA licensed companies, well-known in the professional make-up industry. Based on our research, tests and customer feedback, the complementary Pros-aide adhesive maintains its integrity for a period of several days. However, for some women, the Pros-aide adhesive won’t hold as much as they expect due to their skin moisture/pH level and may need a stronger adhesive. For these women we offer the Telesis adhesive.”


Nipple Advice

My advice would be plan for prosthetic nipples ahead of time.  Get in touch with your insurance, and if they are covered just order a pair because its all about timing and premiums.  For me, If I would have purchased prosthetic nipples before the new year, they would have been covered 100% by my HighMark insurance company because my deductible would have been reached. Being the start of the new year and not having as many appointments as the year prior, I have not hit my deductible therefore, the cost came out of pocket.

After trying the nipples, I was surprised by how easy they could be applied and how realistic they really look. The medical grade adhesive allowed me to wear the nipples throughout a normal day, while exercising and showering. I purchased a more natural and less bold nipple so I have a little poke when I don’t wear a bra, but they are still light enough in color that they are visible through a white shirt.  I think the silicone nipples would be a wonderful option for anyone considering nipple reconstruction. They are pain free, less expensive than surgery and allow you the opportunity to see if nipples provide you a sense of emotional comfort or closure.

So, how to purchase them you ask? Well its simple, she has a website and she ships internationally! After you finish this blog post of course, head over to and check out some nipples people! 

The Decision Is Yours

The bottom line is that no one lives in your body but you. No one sees your naked body except you and your partner unless you are some sort of nudest then hell yes to you my friend! Plain and simple you have to go with the decision that will make you happy, and make you feel comfortable in your own skin! I can honestly say that once I had my nipples glued on for the very first time, I looked in the mirror and cried! Not because I was sad or it hurt… but because I felt like me again, I felt normal, and I felt beautiful!


I have had my nips attached ever since the conference and I am yet to take them off. For me this is the absolute perfect alternative because the days I want to have nipples I can, and when I want to wear a shirt without a bra, I can just peel them off and store them safely in their little box. It truly makes for the best of both worlds! Thank you Pink Perfect and Michal for the opportunity to feel like me again with the absolute perfect pair of nipples! #sparkleon



PS: Check out my videosof my nipples below!